Recent comments in /f/tifu

ghostridur t1_ja48jdj wrote

No the dog doesn't need to be put down. My dog has randomly had this problem for 13 years. Also yes he did do something wrong. You don't invade people's privacy instead of coddling maybe teach a person young that there are expectations of behavior between people.

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PonderousSledge t1_ja48dof wrote

Brother, she got you good, didn't she? You do your best to play nice, and you try to think the best of everyone. I mean, bitterness is toxic, and there's a fine fine line between caution and paranoia. Plus, sure she's your ex, but she's also your kid's mother, and little dude means the world to you. To both of you. So you find a rational excuse for the red flags and put the work into recognizing your own flaws, because that's what decent people do. And while she may have used those flaws against you in egregious ways in the time leading up to the divorce, and doubled down during the process itself, well, of course, she was upset, and people get nasty when they fight, and besides, she may have even had a couple of points, so you're going to do everything that you can to become an even better version of yourself. For you and for him. You're going to beat the stigma of the bitter divorced dad. You're going to show trust and compassion and be the example that he's going to need. Maybe that you could have used when you were growing up. And those are all super admirable traits. You're not wrong.

But.

"Hey, son-of-my-ex, guess what? Surprise! We're going to Fiji!" is not "spontaneous," and may actually violate the terms of your custody agreement. Getting a passport isn't free. Getting one for your child only makes sense if you're planning on needing it. And if she hasn't actually purchased the tickets yet, she's definitely hit Expedia with intention sometime recently.

Learn to tell her no. Set boundaries and enforce them. Trust yourself to know when things make sense. And stop fighting yourself in your head on her behalf.

I mean, there's my nickel's worth of free advice from an internet stranger, you do with it as you will. But I for one move to strike this from the register of fuck ups, and suggest forwarding it to the department of lucky saves.

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sadieface t1_ja48dex wrote

I live and had my children in a different country than where I was born. I traveled back to my home country 1-2 times a year when my kids were small, and I always had to have a letter that was signed by a notary that my husband was aware of these travel plans, even though we were married, I was still required to have this even though we were married. So there are some safe guards there.

Is there a reason you would think she would do this? Is she from another country? Has she ever eluded to wishing she could move back home?

Having a passport for your child is totally reasonable. Since Covid passport processing has been taking a long time to n my country, so it would be wise to have one “just in case”, IMO.

All you can do is apologize and say it was a stupid fleeting thought that you let get out of control.

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Omikapsi t1_ja48172 wrote

This is the truth. Your safety is as important (if not more) than an animal. I love animals, but I acknowledge that everyone needs to look after themselves first, including humans. Ironically, the compassion that we show for them is rarely mutual, and when it is, that's pretty special.

OP: If you want to assuage your guilt, I'd recommend volunteering or donating to a local shelter. You could end up helping many more dogs in the long run.

It's reasonable to feel bad about when we hurt a critter, that's what being an empathetic person is all about.

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little-birdbrain-72 t1_ja47y9y wrote

I don't think it matters whether he cheated with a man or a woman. He cheated. That's all you need to know. He broke your trust and he betrayed you in what was supposed to be a monogamous relationship. I think you have every right to be upset. And you have every right to walk away from the relationship if that's what feels right to you.

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SoftDev90 t1_ja47bar wrote

I get 3 weeks paid vacation a year. I could travel overseas if I wanted, but since my driver's license let's me into Mexico, Canada, and the Caribean by land or sea travel, there's plenty to explore without a passport that I don't feel held back by not having one. Of course if I ever wanted to fly to somewhere in one of those places, I'd need to get one, but I'd know enough ahead of time to go and get one if that was the case :)

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Mauledbysilk t1_ja46wsy wrote

I would have an earnest conversation with her expressing your concern and perhaps ask if she would consider having the passport held for safe keeping by an impartial third party, perhaps a relative or friend you both trust. That seems fair and if she does not agree then why not?

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ThadisJones t1_ja46rvl wrote

In 2004 or so when I was a college student living in a studio apartment, I was working on a project over the winter break and wanted to heat treat some small titanium parts. The college's metal shop was closed for the break, so I decided to do it with a torch in my kitchen. The ventilation was not adequate and I gave myself metal fume flu, making myself really sick for two days. 1/10 got real sick, would not recommend (but the finish on my parts turned out sick (the other kind of sick))

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mamahazard t1_ja45c1w wrote

I had a similar situation on a blind curve, followed by a straight stretch of road. I was going 55mph. Dog jumped out in front of me as soon as that curve turned into the straight stretch. I swerved to avoid it. It did the same thing. I ran over its spine.

I don't know how much I had slowed down by that time, but it was not safe to take an injured dog in the vehicle with my baby in the backseat. I haven't seen that dog since, so I imagined it died a few days later. Car was fine and so was baby.

Swerving to avoid animals can be just as dangerous as going straight, if not more dangerous.

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Kurapikasscarleteyes t1_ja43rck wrote

Not your fault it was a mistake the dog ran towards your vehicle. Things happen the dog was too aggressive for you to help that’s not your fault you couldn’t help. Best thing you can do is pay more attention to the road next time and use this as a learning experience.

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4_Legged_Duck t1_ja43nlo wrote

> I broke up with a very attractive woman (girl 1) so I could be with a different less attractive woman.

You need to be single for a while. Watch a little less porn and just focus on yourself. Figure out how to mature, how to value a woman for who she is, not how she looks. (Yes, being attracted to someone is important in a relationship. But, you seem fixated on this.) If you contact Girl 1, she'll be mad at you. If she isn't mad and you date her, you'll be immature and break her heart. If you go find a different gf, you'll break her heart too.

You need to become less of an AH inside. You're likely confused on what "feelings" are. We can develop unhealthy, unrealistic, and problematic "attachments" that aren't the same as feelings. We can miss someone physically and sexually but it not be any deeper. Until you've come to learn what these are... you'll cause a lot of problems. People get love mixed up a lot.

And at the end of the day, the way most people learn is by being shitty for a while and then maturing. But the goal is to be as least shitty as you can be. And you wanna know the hardest truth I ever learned?

Once you screw it up, it's nearly impossible to screw it down. You can't put the toothpaste back in the bottle. So learn young and be kind.

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commandrix t1_ja4262f wrote

You did jump to a rather big conclusion there. It's possible that she thought of reasons to have a passport handy other than taking a big international trip or just pull a disappearing act with your son. She could even be planning a trip to Niagara Falls, where if you walk around a bit, you'll bump up against the Canadian border.

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PiecesofJane t1_ja41qhm wrote

The fact that the only way you're comparing them is by how attractive they are speaks volumes. Leave girl 1 alone. She deserves much better.

Before you try dating ANYONE, work on becoming a better person. One who describes women by more than just their looks. What are YOU bringing to the table? Right now it doesn't sound like much.

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