Recent comments in /f/tifu

ThinkExplanation t1_jd16g2w wrote

Reply to TIFU by telling me best friend I had feelings for her by idi0t99

  1. Don't internalize this rejection. She just got out of a long term relationship. Probably dealing with a lot and the timing honestly sounds awful to me.
  2. The fact that you are able to build and maintain a long-term friendship with someone of the gender you're interested in is already a good indicator that you can be in a successful romantic relationship.
  3. What doesn't bode well? It sounds like you're into people who are unavailable/unattainable to you.
  4. Friendships don't have to end because of situations like that. If you genuinely value her as a friend (not just a potential partner) and you are open with her that you want to continue the friendship ya'll can recover if both parties are mature enough to do so. Some of my longest friendships went through this very awkward experience. Just make sure you are able to actually be a friend though and are not sentencing yourself to be in a friendship where you are always pining for something more or being resentful.
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Comfortable-Worry-84 t1_jd12sh7 wrote

Reply to TIFU A Starbucks Restroom (and an Interview) by RestroomRanger

I was at an in-person interview after a few rounds of Zooms. I met with the person I’d be replacing, the Principal I’d be working for & the CEO. Came away feeling great about all 3- until my follow up convo with the recruiter. She said I’d received excellent feedback, but the CEO was not comfortable about my emotional volatility after I’d broken down in tears when he asked me to describe my most successful employee/ supervisor relationship. I was utterly confused, as no such thing had happened. It took me two days of obsessing over it before I figured it out- while speaking to the guy (I guess about my wonderful former employer), I’d gotten a frog in my throat. I coughed a couple times, took a sip of water & said excuse me, then continued on. Perhaps my eyes had watered when I coughed?? Job gone.

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OffusMax t1_jd0yljj wrote

Reply to TIFU by telling me best friend I had feelings for her by idi0t99

You have to make it very clear to your prospective romantic interests that you’re not interested in a friendship at the beginning of the relationship. “I’ve got enough friends, I’m not interested in adding another. I’m interested in being in a romantic relationship and it’s ok if you don’t want that with me. But if so, then I hope you have a happy life.”

You’re being honest by saying something like that and you’re not going to put a lot of effort into a friendship that is more likely to never be more than a friendship.

And frankly, you’re doing yourself and your girl friends a great disservice by continually getting into these friendships hoping to one pick up the girl. She broke up with a long time boyfriend; she needs time to get over the pain. She’s probably not in he mental space to be in a new relationship right now and needs time.

And hanging around a girl hoping to win her over is so stereotypical. Every girl has guys hanging around them Hopi to score one day it’s no wonder so many people think that men and women can’t be friends.

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Saxamaphooone t1_jd0wdhf wrote

Reply to comment by it_mf_a in TIFU by telling me best friend I had feelings for her by idi0t99

Exactly this. Speaking as a woman, it SUCKS when you’ve been friends with a guy you thought was genuinely a friend, only to later discover he “fuck zoned” you the entire time and was just waiting for you to be available. It feels like he was just waiting in line for “his turn” and the entire friendship was a farce.

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it_mf_a t1_jd0s3pt wrote

Reply to TIFU by telling me best friend I had feelings for her by idi0t99

You can't be just friends with a person who you wish to date. When you catch feelings, summon your adulthood and ask the person for what you want; do not make it an ultimatum, but also know that there is only forward going your way or the highway. Your feelings are terminal to the friendship, it's over already, so you have to move on to romance or turning the page.

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idi0t99 OP t1_jd0m2sf wrote

Reply to comment by Significant_Phase467 in TIFU by telling me best friend I had feelings for her by idi0t99

I think you're absolutely right! I can't say I really go into these relationships looking to be friends first, hoping for something else later. It just seems that circumstances usually guide the relationship into friendship and then I guess I just misread the situation and end up making a mess of things. Appreciate the insight!

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