At this point fuck it

He thinks she's going to murder you or something, or get her new dude to do it.

You need to realize you can't treat a marriage, children and a divorce like a teenager treats a shitty breakup. It's your life and your children's lives involved, grow the fuck up.

Who the fuck snoops through their wife’s phone? That’s probably the single most personal item any of us own so yes to me that is a clear violation of trust, but hey what would I know I’ve only been married for 6 years

Edit: to add, I’m not saying the use case of your spouse hands you their phone to look at something, I’m saying you take their phone without their knowledge and look through it. That’s some shit parents do to a kid, not what a trusting spouse should do to their partner.

Listen bud you gotta storm the fucking beach and take her by surprise. Go to a lawyer QUIETLY get the divorce drawn up QUIETLY and let that cheating bitch know that YOU want the divorce. Don't let her tell you any different. You deserve better. Leave that pass around and focus on making the best life you can for your kids. You'll be happier than you've ever been before

Speaking from REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE

Interesting, what do you mean terrifying? As in what's the point of relationships?

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This is gold. To make you feel better OP I could imagine myself doing the same thing.

Edit: but yea.. don’t go back.

Uhhhh... him looking at her phone shows "a lack of trust"? Did you see any other violations of trust in his post? 'crossed a line'??? gtfooh

What grade are you in?

I don't think you fucked up. If it wasn't this, it would have played out the same anyway, dude.

I'm really sorry, bud. It's a shitty deal.

What do you mean?

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She knows you know that. Call her freaking bluff.

Articulate exactly whats happening and demand a decision.

- what a broken home does to kids

- her and the kids' stability with you vs without you

- facts about this 'grass is greener' guy: at the very least he doesn't respect her marriage now, so what makes her think he'd respect the institution if THEY get married

- ......

If you do nothing, you're marriage is over and you'll suffer. If you give her the ultimatum, there's a chance to fix things. If not, your marriage will end, but you can start healing

I just don't care anymore

And now you’re older and wiser. I’ve been there in some sort of sense, felt like there was nothing, drank myself in to a pit of despair (and an extra 25 pounds). I hated everything and felt like nothing was ever gonna change. I also found myself repeating out loud a lot “ I don’t deserve this”, and I was right. And chances are you don’t either. I could keep on with the normally sayings and what not but reality is- you get one shot at this life, and you wanna waste it feeling this way for a person who sounds like she wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire. Gotta love yourself man. It’s the only way.

'I can't go back there'.

There's literally this thing called 'Apologizing'. Also known as 'clearing up misunderstandings'. Do people not know how to do these things or what they are anymore?

Normally I would say ya, but this won't be the first time we broke up, she dumped me senior high school and I did not take it well. And life definitely did not get better

Oh she'll move on in a heartbeat

I understand. Cliche as hell but it gets better. Find the things that make you feel good, and utilize it. Same with friends and Family for support.

It takes two to work at a marriage, and it sounds like she isn't. It will be more painful for you to suffer a slow death to the relationship if she doesn't want to fight for it.

Do not resign yourself to this, there will be life after and you do not want the regrets and bitterness of handing her everything you are entitled to as your partnership ends and she moves on.

Ya, I am currently in therapy. Thats what the therapy is for but man its hard

Bro, I know her, and if I gave her an ultimatum, she would by default choose divorce just because I gave her an ultimatum.

It’s over. Sorry pal. Better off in the long run. If she was willing to do that shady shit behind your back and wasn’t decent enough to come at you face to face and end it, she’s not a good person. Get yourself some therapy and get yourself together, get back on your feet and live for you and your kids.

Divorce time buddy. She's already checked out.