If she's calling you her ex and taking your kids to do stuff with him, she's already divorcing you. She's just letting pay some bills first.

If your original post is true and accurate, then it's over, she doesn't love you , and you need to start processing that now.

This doesnt look like a F up. I mean it sucks to find but, this looks like you've saved yourself a lot of future heartache & wasted time. At least now you can begin the process of moving on & rebuilding your life.

You messed up, yes. She messed up, too. Talk to your wife. Both of you need to put everything on the table and have a very honest conversation. If you both can do that, you’ll know if this marriage is salvageable. If it is, couples therapy will almost certainly need to be part of the solution b/c trust has been violated by both of you.

People on Reddit always jump to ‘get divorced’ but this is your life, it’s worth at least trying to have a real conversation with your wife as a next step. If she won’t take it seriously and make the effort, then you’ll know it’s too far gone to save.

What is it she liked about the other guy? Find that out if you want to, but you will need a rock solid foundation where you will not lose confidence over it.

We all know the thrill of the chase and something new can be 99% of the allure. You hear it a lot "I don't know, it was just exciting I can' explain it"

It may not be you that is the problem, just life in general beats on you, and if you feel happier talking to someone else it could just be escapism.

Either way you will need to be rock solid so you can move on without it affecting you mentally, everything like this that happens ends up being a good thing for both people if the right mindset is applied

I hate to see all this hate on you, clearly your mentally fucked from all this or other things that have happened before and that's ok for now you're in shock and its ok to try and vent in places like this. what you need to do is remove the woman from your life no matter if you love her still or not you need to focus on you and your kids she does not care for you anymore the best thing you can do is move forward without her

It is ovah

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OP seems to have not a single care about his children and the only thing that’s bothering him is that his wife who he was separated from may have been cheating on him. I’m not being devil’s advocate as what his wife did is disgusting, but part of me feels we’re missing important details that would make OP look bad.

> I'm a peice of shit

No, you're not. If you were just insecure, that'd be one thing. But she gave you a reason to snoop and, what's worse, now she's gaslighting you by telling you that conversation was just bait to make you snoop. No, she got caught. I 100% guarantee you she slept with that guy, and probably more than once. I know that's probably not what you want to hear but it's what you need to hear. You didn't fuck up, she did. You didn't violate the marriage, she did. As for you feeling like you're losing her, I'm sorry, but you lost her long ago. And it's most likely not anything you did. I don't know you so I'm not going to sit here and tell you you're blameless in all this, but nothing justifies cheating.

You're not a piece of shit, she is the piece of shit, and this marriage is over, but not because of you.

I’m sorry your relationship is rocky. It has to be heart wrenching to be in this position.

That said, she does not respect you. Once someone loses respect, it’s game over.

She isn't "the" victim, but she is a victim of her privacy having been invaded.

>Please point to exactly where I am defending the cheater =)))

idk about your privacy thing but if privacy should be a thing in a married couple then i dont think you'll ever discover any cheater. and when you are married i dont think the concept of "personal stuff" shoould exist at all.

maybe im also a shitty person like op.

Sounds like she lost a loyal husband and great partner. Her loss buddy. You will bounce back from this but first you have to go through the hurt sorry for the truth but that's what it is. In the end you are 100% better off.

Taking your head out of the sand isn't what made the sun come out. Becoming aware that your marriage is doomed isn't what killed it.

>She talked so bad about me to him we are still married and she called me her ex, telling this guy she can't wait to refinance her car to get me off it. Flirty stuff, being at a sporting event with her and my kids, like wtf. I love this woman so much and by snooping I feel like I completely lost her. Or have I already lost her?

Are you serious? She's gone.

Get a lawyer, protect your assets, and get the hell out.

>says so, so much.

aww..

ofc going tthru someone's phone is so bad as compared to calling your now husband an ex.

op is a peice of shit imo.

My dude. You just got rocked, and it's going to take you a long time to recover. Do your future self, and kids a favor, get therapy, and lawyer up. This is going to be one of the biggest decisions of your life, and not caring is not an option. Have the lawyer give you your options, reach out to someone close to lean on. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your kids. There's no shame in this... She fucked up... She hurt you...

Also, collect evidence. Take time off of work if you can... You got this.

Cheating is cruel no matter who does it. Cheaters always tell the other person bad things about you because they are trying to sooth the other persons fears. She may or may not truly feel that way but staying with her when she is cheating is putting your own life at risk now. Why? Because old STD's are coming back antibiotic resistant. IT is not safe to be with someone who sleeps around.

She’s already moved on.

Bingo, my point :)

I took the fuck-up as being that he found out things that he was unaware of previously and now he has to deal with them. But maybe I'm wrong.

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Bro she’s cheating on you, lawyer up and don’t let her get everything