Yikes

Oh. I was wrong then. Leaving my post up to take the downvotes like a champ.

I mean, I get what you’re saying. “Man up” might not be the best way to go about things, but it got his attention and he definitely needs to grow the fuck up.

I had to get blood drawn a few weeks ago. There’s usually no problem finding a vein, but the tech was having a hard time.

I thought I heard her say “got it” or something to that effect, and I blurted out “finally!” When she stepped back, I realized that she did not get the vein, and was calling to her coworker in the next room.

I said “I’m so sorry! I thought you said you got it, I wasn’t saying ‘finally’ to you getting someone else!” We all had a good laugh over it. I would have felt like shit all day if I’d let her think I said “finally!” for calling someone else in

Oh, I agree, but, I don't think he should feel that way. this relationship is already toast, he was going to discover it all sooner or later.

I get why he feels like he does, though.

I feel bad for him.

Typical Reddit, first response is "lawyer up for a divorce"

It sounds like you and your wife have serious, long-standing communication issues. If you have not already, you owe it to each other and to your children to enter marriage counseling. It's beyond the point where you could reasonably expect to resolve these issues on your own, but I've seen marriages go through very rough times and ultimately recover.

It is possible that your wife may be past your relationship entirely; if she refuses counseling, that is probably the case. But if you want your relationship to work, you need to put in a lot of effort right now.

It's like a weird version of main character syndrome. Some people mess up a conversation and then get so in their head about it that they'll say something like "I can never go back to that place again!" as if anyone else involved actually cares.

I told him to grow up and act like a parent, after he said:

>I dont care she can have everything

I think he's the victim here, but he needs to step up for his kids.

yeah that's a fair and conflict free way to enforce that boundary but you're still ending up with personal stuff hey

like sharing everything sounds nice and romantic in theory but there are a lot of potential negatives to getting really deeply enmeshed

Sharing all of your interests and doing everything together leaves people lost and deeply lonely if their partner dies before them. Fully sharing finances (like no longer having individual bank accounts) leaves you more vulnerable to financial abuse. Snooping through your partners phone might just end up ruining your surprise birthday party.

healthy relationships are formed when two people with independent lives make space for something shared and build it together, not from subsuming themselves into the relationship until nothing individual is left.

anyway that's what I meant by my much shorter and somewhat ruder comment 😁

I mean its possible, but that's not because you're a cold person. That's likely because the cold is causing irritation or something similar. I'm not a cold person and I get some pretty extreme stomach/abdominal pain when I eat cold things too fast too. Not just brain freeze. It's a normal reaction some times.

PLEASE LAWYER UP I promise you will regret not fighting this for the rest of your life. She will screw you over as hard as she can. Stand up as a man and a father. Go get a lawyer, go to therapy! Don't let depression and hopelessness creep in, don't let your kids down, don't let your lying rat wife triumph!

I got divorced at 24 after 5 years of marriage and 3 kids. I didn't fight at first and she screwed me over. She got BOTH of our cars, I got all our $30,000+ in debt. There's so much more injustice, but I don't want to write a text wall.

I started pushing back legally about a year later, now I have 100% child custody, she pays me child support (only $367/mo, but still), I claim all child tax credits, and I've worked my debt down to under $17,000. I've used therapy to recover and become stronger than I've ever been in every way. I'm now remarried to a woman 100x stronger, smarter, bolder, kinder, more loving, more beautiful than my ex wife. I should've fought from the start.

You must fight for this! You can do it! Do it!

if my partner wants to use it, fine by me.

i'll buy a new one for me.

so anyways do you share your toothbrush or is that an okay "personal" item to have?

fine by me.

literally just how I talk but okay

aww...imagine you hv to curse to say an illogical arugment,

then if you hv to hide anything from your life partner then you are making the thing more and more SUS bout you.

She's a whore...Call an attorney.

I don’t think anyone should ever cheat. And I didn’t mean to say it is ok to cheat. But I think people may look when unhappy. And if you view your partner as a child you may not bother to want to work on the relationship first. A thousand cuts is usually what kills a relationship.

To paraphrase some if the most highly up voted comments:

"dude grow the fuck up"

"I would leave him too looking at his comments history"

"seeing how he just complains about being lonely and is full of self pity, I would leave him too"

Vile, yet standard responses for men dealing with mental health or relationship issues.

OP deleted it before the rest of us could read it

He deleted his account and now has reposted the story on ANOTHER account he’s using to reply to comments here. Seems like he didn’t want people to find out about that.

Does it fucking matter tho?

If you're wrong for not putting a glass in the dishwasher how is that justifying breaking trust and speak in a bad manner about the person you're sharing your life with.
Not even thinking about the disgust of meeting up with that person in an hotel room.

Even if he was wrong for being worse like not being emotionally available, how is it ever justified?

I'm not saying OP shouldn't be striving to be the best he can be or even try to fix his relationship.

But if you can't talk about the small stuff like not cleaning the dishwasher, don't even bother having a relationship.

No one said “man up”, just for him to leave. You’re reaching.

Edit: I was wrong. Leaving this up here to take my downvotes like a champ.

Dude's in a dead bedroom with his wife cheating on him.

Give him a break.

OP I assume that mentally you are at a real low and just want all this to go away.

Sadly its not going to be like this. It could be time for a big reset in your life and to reinvent yourself as someone with clear boundaries, surrounded by people who genuinely care for your welfare. I don't know the full picture of course but it's not uncommon for people to lose their own social networks and support systems when in a dysfunctional relationship. By the time the relationship fails, people can be a pale shadow of themselves. Right now you may be far away from who you really are. The best version of you.

You are feeling guilt about phone snooping but considering the aporent warning signs you followed up on those and found out things you didn't want to. Under normal circumstances you could say phone snooping is a violation of trust but this all sounds anything but normal. Putting yourself in the "I'm a bad person" bucket makes no sense at all and you should not crucify yourself. It is utterly pointless and non constructive, especially given the other priorities.

For the sake of your own long term self respect and self esteem, get a lawyer, and just as importantly reach out to those friends and family you have who care about you. Put your trust in them and not reddit. Seeing a non-quack psychologist or therapist will do wonders for you.

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