It's a two way street. She needs to communicate, too. You shouldn't be walking on eggshells trying to second guess her moods and motives. Depending on severity, that can be borderline emotionally abusive.

First, straight up ask her how her day was. If she is stressed or hurting, just straight up say, "I had something sexy planned, but you seem like you could use some cuddling and TV instead." Or maybe a backrub with no expectation of sex.

Tell her what cues she can use if she's interested in starting. Like, "nibble my ear and I'll take it from there". Or maybe running her fingers down your chest or stroking your arm. Whatever gets you going.

You can always try twerking too. Just pop some Taylor Swift on and throw ya back out

That got a good laugh. Will try my best. I can do a mean helicopter

Meds do that, but the great part is, it doesn't stabilise and go back, at least in my experience. You're going to have to sack up and just start whipping your dick out and helicoptering, I guess.

Idk if she'd go that far. The reason she wants me to take control is because she has almost no sexual urges after her meds fucked up her libido, unless she watches porn. Too many other things in this relationship are amazing to drop it because I suck at putting out, and yes I've found help. Just recently I've been really bad with performance anxiety when I'm about to try things, mainly because i've dropped the ball almost every night for a week and a bit. Once things happen and I realize I can do it, it goes way better and I can be confident.

Then you might need to reevaluate if you should be in a relationship or not. Have you sought help for anxiety/depression? I'm not saying you need to start putting out, but some other guy might.

Ok I may just do that. I just struggle with that to not overstep boundaries because she's very self conscious and they change depending on how her day was.

Fair fair, I just suck at confidence... Which is exactly what she wants from me. Idk why it even gets me so anxious, it just does. I think it comes from how easily she blames herself for everything and I don't want her to feel bad

That’s kinda the same thing, she’s not dumb

You don't need to plan, and you can still take the initiative. Just communicate while you're doing it. Tell her you want her and what you're going to do to her at each stage. Tell her what to do. She's asking you to take control, not just to initiate.

The worst that can happen is she says no.

Or someone breaks into your house and stabs you to death in the middle of the night.

Gotta shoot your shot, especially where you've shot your shot many times before.

Tempting next time, but fuck if my anxiety makes me struggle to even say things like that because I'm scared to mess up

"Yo, you wanna make fuck, or nah?"

Pretty easy.

That's the thing, she never gives off a direct no vibe, just a clueless vibe, and my inexperience ain't helping because I'm just as clueless

She’s playing games dude. If she’s asking you to push when she’s giving off NO vibes, she’s either got a kink you both need to discuss or she’s got a little screw loose. Either way red flag klaxon

That's the fun part, she doesn't like it to feel planned so she just wants me to take control "when the moments right" which I struggle with and i've told her as much. If I keep failing I'll bring it up again

Y'all need to learn to communicate during sexy time and stop blaming each other for not reading each other's mind.

No, standard site PPE luckily

Sorry I wasn’t trying to say he did. I’m moreso asking if it’s not a crime, what can he do if you don’t listen? Is it an enforceable lawful order if there’s no rule against running? Idk what would happen if that came to be challenged in a court of law and I’m just generally kind of interested in the mechanics of the legality of all that. It’s like an interesting thought experiment to ponder, but I also think there’s probably a correct answer that someone more knowledgable than me would know. We’d have to ask Attorney Tom or something, and he would probably say “It Depends.” Lol

No, she hates non consensual anything due to an abusive ex. She's into very loving sex, cuddling and I love you's throughout, she just wants me to take the lead and I struggle with that. We're both rather submissive. I also worded that poorly

Ok maybe force wasn't the right wording there. She wants me to fully take control by laying her on her back and "kissing the shit out of her" but I struggle to do that without doubt on if it's the right time and all that, which is why I work my way up to making out, see if she's into it y'know. She just normally pulls away before I get to the good part

Is she after consensual non-consent? You don't have to do anything she isn't comfortable with.

Thought you'd appreciate my completion of the safety shower periodic testing..

This doesn't sound like you fucked up. If someone is pulling away, any normal person would assume the other party is uninterested. Is she saying she literally wants you to force yourself on her? That sounds very uncomfortable.

I really wish I realized that as a teenager. I was mortified of embarrassing myself at school so I would ditch class and sit in the bathroom stalls. I hated myself. Now that I've learned to laugh at myself, I don't think twice about these things.