I think he should keep wearing what he wants, but then I don't stare at people's butts or crotches.

So I meant my wife when I was 24 and she was 19 and she already had a kid, she was forced to move to another state by her in-laws, she wasn't with her baby daddy anymore but they still made her move so that they had access to the child. She was raised in a very very abusive and drug filled home. I'm talking about stepdad trying to kill the whole family on a few occasions, type of abuse, also physical, emotional and mental abuse from her mother, also a couple unsuccessful but attempted molestations. My mother who was in law enforcement when they met and she started my wife's story brought up the fact that most people who have been through what she's been through become simply statistics. Healing takes a long time. Just like the grief from the death of a parent or a child, time heals all wounds, by the same time the grief and the pain doesn't ever really go away. Time does it ever fully heal things. Does hearing the same stories and the stuff like that become tiresome sometimes? Of course. Just like I'm sure that you have stories or things that you do that annoy the f*** out of other people. The point is though, if her healing process is a burden to you, then you don't deserve the person she's going to be when she's done healing. I may understand your concern about her developing a drinking problem. It's easy for people who have been through that kind of trauma to self-medicate. But ultimatums, or just calling people out on it as a problem doesn't necessarily help them. Positive reinforcement is what she needs. Support and understanding is what she needs. Patience and love is what she needs. There's a difference between supporting somebody and enabling them. If you care about her then do some research on how to support people recovering from trauma. There are groups out there both online and in person that you can go to, to help you learn how to be a better partner to her as somebody recovering from trauma. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way claiming to have been perfect to my wife during her healing process. I made mistakes, we all do and I can tell the fact that you are saying in your post that it was a f****** that you probably care. To learn from your mistake, and do better. That's all you can do. Learn, and do better.

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Tell her the truth and laugh about it. Either it works or doesn't. Not like you can make it worse 🤣

> But "stop whining" is less than ideal.

Maybe that's why they posted in TIFU?

It's too late. She probably told her friends about it too. It's a marathon, not a sprint. When doing some self care remember that. Practice the long run, a quick meat beat in the shower will always keep you running the short distance. So next time you slap that salami, go a full twelve rounds.

At least you recognize your FU. Your best bet is apologizing and getting into therapy/counseling to help support her long term recovery if that’s what you want. My mom is crazy and I’m now no-contact with her. I’ve been with my wife for 10+ years and it took probably 6ish years for me to fully get over the trauma/problems from growing up in a home like mine.

Sounds like she could also use counseling/therapy but I’m not sure recommending that right now is the best bet.

I would also suggest you read Beene Brown’s book, Daring Greatly, and maybe watch her Netflix specials or listen to her podcast (basically whatever your preferred medium is). Don’t try to fix your girlfriend but Brene’s information can help you become more empathetic and understanding on this journey.

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Lawyer up before police. It's Texas.

Shouldn't this be on r/amitheasshole.

In all seriousness, she is 20 and by the sounds of it has gone through a lot of shit. Much more than you by the sounds of it.

Yes, negativity can drain people. But "stop whining" is less than ideal.

Have you considered a job in law enforcement? You may have what it takes!

The big Biker Gang

Sounds like you should do her a favor and break up with her. While she may need therapy, what she doesn't need a hypocritical and unempathetic boyfriend. Also, it seems like there is a lifetime of trauma she's trying to get over. You started dating her one year after she was kicked out, and presumably, you are the first person to be there for here since. She doesn't need any more "tough love".

The really TIFU is you went to Dallas.

Hells Angels

No. But last time he was in Dallas he made some questionable decisions, so it’s probably best if he stays away.

This situation reminds me of this clip.

I wasn't gonna eat no cake,

but then I got high

I was gonna stay on my diet and get real thin,

but then I got high

I ate a whole pound cake and I know why

because I got high

because I got high

because I got high

You FU by being friends with someone who gets mad at you because you’re quoting an internet video and she is insecure.

Until you are no longer on this side of heaven, there is always a chance for reparations. Seek counseling for yourself first and foremost. You are heading in the right direction now, but were going the wrong way for so long, that it will take time, probably quite a bit of it, to mend these relationships. It will be hard, and heartbreaking, but understand the worth of your efforts. We all make mistakes. Own yours and break the chain, or the pain you feel now will become much worse as you watch your children do the same to theirs. Love is a choice that you must make everyday. Prayers and best of luck to you

I would’ve just tore up the papers in front of her face and told her to do it herself but now she has to go hunt for the paperwork again

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