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your apology should be just as loud as your disrespect. if you said it in a group of people (it sounds like you did but idk) you should apologize/explain in front of those same people.

but also you have to be willing to accept that she’s not obligated to forgive you. all you can do is apologize and be better. no one owes you an acceptance.

I see so many people telling you to apologise for things you didn't do. Telling you to feel ashamed of that part of you, and to censor yourself in future. Sounds like terrible advice.

Sometimes some people unfortunately aren't suited to be friends. Just because someone doesn't get along with parts of you, doesn't mean you should change those parts. Don't change yourself because of someone else, only change because you want to be better.

I had to learn the hard way as a life long people pleaser that used to censor myself for peoples sensibilities. You will not like yourself at the end of the day, if you do that. Surround yourself with people that share and encourage your personality.

Good luck!

I'm sure you meant it as a joke, but the way you said it didn't come across that way. Choose your words more carefully next time and hopefully your friend will forgive you.

Someone here pointed out that you may have hit too close to home and I agree with that. Mom could had some issues in the past. Anna could have had some issues in the past. Mom could be a sex worker for all we know, and you might be right. But if that’s the case, what possibly hurt was tonality and intent. Without thinking, that statement shames a whole field of work.

If that’s the case, you need to understand that your friend, Anna, may need time to willingly approach you again. A real, thought out, “hey I know this hurt you and I want to apologize for it.” means a literal ton when you inadvertently hurt someone.

What you need to understand with this though, is that she may say “ok”, or “thank you”, or she may ignore it entirely. Don’t rush her, get in her face, be snarky, or anything like that. Don’t force her to accept your apology either. Say it, let her absorb it. Let her know that you’ll give her space to come around again if that’s what she feels she needs and you’d still like to be friends but only if she’s ok with that.

You said something that maybe you shouldn’t have because everyone was joking around. Sometimes we accidentally step on toes. It happens, work on making amends and you’ll be alright.

I mean calling your friends mum a hoe is absolutely not "completely out of line" for most friendly relationships?

This is an accident not malicious, if there's a reasonable way you could have known better then sure but otherwise this is so extreme.

​

"Hiya Anna,

I'm really sorry about what happened the other day, I've obviously upset you and I feel terrible about that. I'll never joke like that about your Mum again,

Quinn"

​

Then bring a coke/cake/chocolate bar to English and I'm sure it'll be fine.

Every once in a while one of your jokes hits a nerve, it sucks, its unpredictable most of the time, and yeah it hurts people. But its not

- Completely out of line or Completely Thoughtless

You already apologized and meant it.

The only other thing you can do is not do it again. It’s up to her to move on

Apologize IN-PERSON. Nothing more impersonal than a text apology.

Yeah Anna sounds like a square not gonna lie

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I’m really close to my mom and I’m fairly certain I’ll be the same way

I’m incredibly protective of her. With certain friends I know they do it just to get under my skin or whatever but for the most part I really don’t like people talking poorly about my mother.

“My cats are my entire life” i roll my eyes every time I hear this

Yeah.....OP kinda sounds like a dumb kid based on how this was written. Hopefully the experience will teach them the difference between comedy and being cruel for laughs.

OP wasn’t a complete ass though. They made a normal, innocuous comment and apologized when it became clear they’d offended. Should have been the end of it.

What OP shouldn’t have to do is resort to groveling for their friendquaintance’s forgiveness when 1) it was such a tiny offense, and 2) the kid won’t even explain why they got so incredibly bent out of shape about it.

These comments are treating OP like they pissed on their mom’s grave — little over the top, no?

What’s truly crazy to me is how comfortable you felt slinging that final assumption about OP’s social life. Utterly baseless and, ironically, rude as fuck to say to somebody you don’t know!

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We'd been doing that long before Napoleon Dynamite. That is the most famous usage of the joke style, though. Classic.

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No, you’re not wrong, Walter, you’re just an asshole!

One of our semi regular patients when I worked at a psych hospital typically went off his meds when with his dad (dad said he didn’t need the meds, just more Jesus and prayer). Anyway, long story short, one time dad got him to stop his meds, and in his ensuing paranoid delusional state killed his dad, with a gardening hoe. I remember saying, that’s why you don’t mess around with them hoes. Never have I made more people start busting out laughing while giving me death glares.

Since he deleted his response before I had a chance to post mine, here it is:

His comment for context:

>First of all, let me make sure you understand what I’m saying. It’s not that you can’t tell a joke unless you’re 100% sure it would be funny for everybody, which I presume is what you mean by “impossible to accomplish”. That’s not what the “100%” refers to. What I am saying is that you don’t get to blame the listener for not having a sense of humor if the joke falls flat, and if the joke did cause offense, that you should be the one apologizing.

>Secondly, as for your exception:

>>unless it’s an audience of one

>why then doesn’t the concept apply to an audience of two, or three, or five? At how many listeners does it become not your fault someone is offended?

>Again, people screw up, and friends can generally forgive somebody who apologized sincerely, but I’m talking about where the fault lies, and therefore if anybody should apologize.

And my rebuttal:

>With one person, you only have to worry about the sensibilities of a single solitary person. Each additional listener increases the chance that someone in the audience won't enjoy the joke. That's difficult enough for professional comedians with an audience full of fans that already enjoy their brand of humor. Imagine being an amateur performing for complete strangers who have never heard of you. You can't possibly take every audience member's personal sensitivies into account, nor should you. Comedy is an art, and art is subjective.

I wasn't going to let all that go to waste.

I figured they were quoting that old vine

Wait but did you ever respond to her text?

That's why I don't make "your mom" jokes by default. Some people can be really sensitive about their relationships with their parents (or, sometimes, lack thereof).

I too have stepped in it before with a friend. Not the same blowback by any means as you are getting but an honest apology offered is all you can do.

A friend and I were casually making fun of eachother and telling jokes, he told a yo momma joke. I told a yo momma joke.

It was then he hit me with "my mom's dead, that's not funny" and I doubled down with "well dig her up and she'll be boned and rolled, I'll have her spinning in her grave". It turns out, he was not kidding when he admitted his mother had passed away(something we had never discussed prior).

I met him with "c'mon dude don't push BS" to make it worse. Next day I offered an apology and a day after we were right as rain, with a new topic to avoid. Though I should also note, he escalated with facts to make me feel bad initially, then genuinely felt bad he'd done that too, so there was a pair of us in it, both apologizing for diff reasons.

Since you have already sent a text apology and been left on read, silent treatment sitting beside them, time is all you can give it. If it's not sorted in a few days, ask to meet to offer your apology again in person (it's an opportunity to discuss) but if after that it's radio silence you can't continue to followup, chasing someone with multiple messages over and over just comes across as harassment.

Tell them u were memeing and show that one video where that teacher said Whoever threw that pencil ya mum a ho lol