Take out a billboard add and say the truth.

I tell people when it comes up and I’m there, but I can’t quash it when I’m not there, and yes I should have told her, but other than that I feel I did what I could

Not actively quashing it is just as bad

And if there's any way to clear your name, find a way to drop the bomb on his ass , for putting this rumor out there!

Your friend is not your friend. He cock blocked you cuz he wants her. Or he's jealous of you trying to have a relationship with her. Get this mother f*** out your life he's nothing but trouble! And he's Petty as f***!

Forget getting this guy to admit to the girl that he started the rumor. It really doesn't matter. The trust is broken, it can't be rebuilt by some half assed apology from your 'friend'. All you can really do is apologize to her for not doing everything you could to stop it before it got out of hand. Do your best to communicate your regrets and feelings toward her but respect her wishes if she still tells you to get lost. Even if she doesn't want to talk to you anymore, you can still do the right thing and do your best to correct anyone who believes the rumor. I'd also recommend cutting that 'friend' out of your life.

You don’t have to go if you can’t afford it

Please check what it would take to go independent. Please talk to both your HS and your college. They may be able to help you, or at least perhaps they could let you out of your contract, or perhaps maybe defer entry for a year, and then you could work for a year, get independent and then enter. Good luck!

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I laughed wayy to hard over this comment. Unfortunately it seems people really have a hard time understanding that. I swear I see posts like „tifu by my parents finding out my gf and I copulated “ (idk if reddit censors or deletes comments explicitly on that, hence the weird wording) where the plot is essentially like: boyfriend stays with gf in one of their parent‘s house, copulate, forget to hide the contraceptives. Parents find out and are mad or disappointed at their children and „have a talk“ and/or forbid them to stay at their house together.

Like wtf do you think college boys and girls are doing being together for half a year or longer at your house sleeping in the same bed? The only thing surprising here is how douchy the parents act. Like it’s 2022 we can stop this whole „no copulation until married“, „bodycount“ and innocence nonsense.

This is really great advice, thank you sm, I’m actively trying to better myself, it was naïve and selfish to do what I did, and I am adamant I won’t let something like that happen again

My brother had to deal with parental refusal before my dad died, and there was literally nothing the school could do for him. If they're alive and just not cooperating then you might be fucked, still I'd talk to them about it

There are a lot of lessons to be learned here, and I think the most important one is to be proactive in keeping your relationships healthy.

I've seen some other comments telling you that your friend was not a "real" friend. Imo, playing the blame game is the wrong perspective for your own growth as a person. For your own benefit, it's important to recognize that you could have taken action to prevent this situation from blowing up.

What you should have done before shit hit the fan:

1. Tell your friend to stop when you found out about the rumors, and make them know you're serious. Your friend was basically acting with your tacit permission when you simply let the rumors be.
2. Tell the girl about the rumors yourself. Just apologize for the trouble and say that you're actively trying to kill the rumor. Example:
   "Hey [name], this is Impossible_Tale_2173 from [uni course]. I want to apologize for any rumors you may have heard about you and I sleeping together; I didn't start them, and I'm actively trying to clear up the rumor. Let me know if there's anything you'd like me to do."

What you should have done once shit hit the fan:

1. Admit your fault to the girl, explain your inaction in terms of stupid but harmless wishful thinking, and let her know that you're willing to make it up to her. Example:
   "Hey [name], I'm sorry that you heard rumors about you and I sleeping together. I didn't start them, and honestly I was just hoping for them to blow over quietly. In hindsight, I should've told you earlier and done more to squash the rumors. Let me know if there's anything you'd like me to do, I'm clearing up the rumor whenever I hear it now."
2. Don't try to pass off the blame of the matter. Don't make it weird and give the girl reason to think that you started the rumor.

What you should do now that you've lost a friend and ruined things with the girl:

1. Do some forward thinking for christ's sake. What was the endgame of letting the rumors be? Did you think the girl would appreciate you more for the rumors? Did you think the rumor would make you look cooler to your peers?
2. Move on in life, don't be petty about it to the friend or the girl. This seems bad now, but it's not so bad in the grand scheme of life. You didn't ruin a committed relationship, you're still young, your friend may not have been the best company etc.
   Most important is to make sure this sort of thing doesn't happen again, take it as a painful life lesson. You're not a helpless victim at the whims of your peers, proactively do the best thing for you.

First, you need to sever all relation with your "friend" who thought it would be okay to spread this rumor to begin with. This person will never bring you anything but pain for their own amusement. You're not going to enjoy what they start saying about you later regarding this situation...ride it out and let the world slowly come to realize this person is a complete asshat.

Second, you need to give her some space...let emotions calm down around this entirely. After that come back with a clear and heartfelt apology explaining exactly what happened. You're probably going to have to admit you have had a crush on her for some time in order to explain why it came up between your friends in the first place.

If she is still convinced you helped spread it, just ask her why on earth you would do that...ask her to explain how that would benefit you or your friendship or your feelings for her. If she continues to really think so little of you that you would do something as absurd as that, then you need to walk away and realize that she wasn't worth having anyway, and while it hurts right now, she wouldn't have wound up being a good friend or partner for you in the long run regardless.

​

EDIT - adding just to clarify, she might not be interested in hearing your apology. If that's the case, it's on you to suck it up, respect her wishes to leave her alone, and take it as a learning experience to do better to people in the future. Sucks, but it's probably all you're going to get no matter what. She may need you to hear some things at some point, if that's the case, it'd be good to be an active listener and not try to interject your own opinions.

You sure you didn’t start the rumor yourself? Your post barely mentions the person who allegedly started it. More so how you didn’t do enough to prevent but then again how can you. It feels as if you are blaming yourself but a little too much.

You would have done the same, relax yourself.

...relax

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I don’t think she should drop her guard with him. He didn’t stand up for her. Sounds like he has some growing up to do before she trusts him. Her response seems appropriate to me.

From OP's perspective, as a man, he didn't think rumor about he having sex with a woman is a problem (if it's a gay rumor he may react differently). But from many women and some misogynic society perspective, rumor about woman having sex with a man still make women feel uncomfortable since many people may view said woman in degrading way, as if she's 'used' by said man or 'easy' while view a man in rumor as 'macho' or 'player'. Even in modern society or between youngster, these mindset still ingrained in so many people.

So, OP's girl friend being pissed when find out about the rumor is the reaction that can be expected and it's OP's fault that even he have time for a month he didn't try to stop it or clarify things.

Except it isn't her sexual history.

It's an awkward rumor but her reputation is hardly ruined.

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Not a great friend, but you could use the situation to your advantage and use it as a jumping board to talk to your love interest. Explain it to them what actually happened, and look and behold, you're having a conversation.

I don't know if this is news to you, but not everybody enjoys broadcasting their sexual history to the world.

Especially if it's not even true.

Her reputation ruined??????? They’re 19, people bang in college you know. I mean not you, but people do.