thats abusive tbh... if she can't handle the fact that you have someone from your childhood that never went anywhere around but shes friends with exes who she had relations with... thats hypocrisy at its finest. you did not FU

People don't get "used up." That's some fucking biblical era logic. If anything they gain experience and level up

You are both whiny and jealous about shit that happened before you met. You both should lighten up a bit, sex is not that big of a deal

Hard disagree. Girl was trying to hold OP to a double standard, maintaining friendships with people she's dated while questioning a friendship with someone OP never dated. Good job OP for pointing out double standard. Maybe do it more delicately next time but don't get suckered into accepting double standards.

Therapy really? How old are you guys? Just sounds like a teenage standard relationship to me.

I instantly didn't care about her reaction to this when she was getting bothered about that 1 chick you still had as a friend on Instagram while she has exes as friends anywhere.

You're a virgin for Christ's sake and she's not. If she wants to delete everyone and meet on the same level, sure, but the sheer hypocrisy. I don't think you did anything wrong, maybe the wording but that's it

literally smh

Bahahaa. That is a hilarious response. A little terse, but accurate plus you set a boundary. Overall, 7/10.

> I know I need help and need to go to therapy for this sort of thing.

IMHO

1. She is jealous/defensive about you maintaining contact with someone you know. 2) She attacks you for maintaining contact with someone you know. 3) She didn't notice before speaking that the crusty pot was calling a clean kettle with a few fingerprints black. 4) She wasn't ready to take responsibility for what she said. 5) Somehow you think that you need to pay someone a pile of free money to play Sudoku while humming "uh-huh" between your sentences and to catch longer pauses with "And how does that make you feel?"

Nah. She's the one with insecurity issues to work out, and she should be appreciating you for your trust and your respect; and she should be showing that appreciation with a gratitude attitude. Your stated fact that you were not part of her social sphere till after the previous bodies were counted means that she's in a position to enjoy a clean break from that prior lifestyle, and that opportunity must be fairly shared with you in kind. Digging up old bones and trying to hit you with them is an argument that she's the one who needs a therapeutic talking-to about latent shame leading to self-sabotage behaviors.

And she will probably continue to attack her partners and self-sabotage her relationships till she learns to behave better.

That said, there was probably a more tactical way to reveal to her that she was implying that you still knowing someone you had a passing crush on was somehow a greater threat to your relationship than a half dozen bun-size frankfurters hanging in her digital meat locker than to fling them in her face, but it was at least direct and to the point leaving no room for her to twist your words. Take as the lesson learned that you should take a moment to figure out the motivations behind her attacks before returning fire, rather than coming back hard like it's a rap battle.

(And don't trade that V card anytime soon for a VD card or child support contract.)

>friendships

Is this the new generation's euphemism for sexual partners?

Who cares who you both hooked up with before? You only owe fidelity to the relationship while you are in it. The problem here is that you both have unresolved issues with jealousy. Work on that individually before discussing as a couple.

This whole argument is kind of juvenile.

Ok... but she shouldn't be friends with her exes or past lovers if she wants the same thing from you. That comeback was intense

This is why instagram is for fucking morons. Who the fuck needs that shit normalized in your life, bro?

Just fuccking say you're insecure and jealous and that it's normal because you've got virgin brain and want to learn how to fuck and I dunno...ASK HER HOW THAT MADE HER FEEL and then really listen and let her talk it out. You two need to communicate more. Not via text. Next time youre laying there not looking at stupid instagram.

Whoever or whyever she feels bad about having had sex (which is INSANE, btw) is a real jerk. YOU didn't need to add more shame. Thats really really fucked and needs to be communicated.

And for god's sake man you need to give her a big hug.

You're not wrong though. Spoiler alert: it's totally ok to be friends with your... friends. It's ok to be friends with your exes! Nobody here did anything wrong. You (maybe a bit bluntly) pointed out a double standard, which is a good thing! Way to maintain your (totally acceptable and healthy) boundaries, friend! It's dumb as shit to get jealous over exes - they're exes for a reason. It's even more dumb as shit to get jealous over people you kinda liked but never got with as a teenager, because for most people that's a lot of their friend group growing up and many of those friendships carry over to adulthood. I can think of a great many women off the top of my head that I had crushes on in high school and am still tight with in my mid 30s and I'm happy to see them married and having kids. That's just basic emotional maturity. Honestly the only TIFU I see here is "it bothers me to know she's been with others." Like bro, everyone has a history, sex is literally just sex, virginity has no physical metric and even less value, it's just some stupid concept from back when humans knew even less about themselves than we do now (the notion that someone is "tainted" because they have experience is dumb as fuck). Apologize for hurting her feelings but have a serious talk about jealousy and how toxic it is, because if she's afraid of your childhood friends she's not gonna be comfortable with you talking to women in general, and that is toxic as fuck.

It's a lot healthier for everyone if people just don't try and stay friends with their exes.

you did nothing wrong

Haha he said sexual intercourse

Lmao mannn. You’re probably young because you don’t see those clear red flags. Caring about childhood crushes is very toxic teenager and so is responding the way you did (we’ve all been the toxic teenager just learn from it) But listen to this. you are beating yourself up way too much. coming from someone who used to do the same internally, please look at your own self esteem. It isn’t easy but train yourself to be nicer to you, even when you make mistakes. This kind of self view is only destructive to yourself and the other people that have love for you. You’re valuable

NO PLEASE I NEED TO KNOW

I think your response was appropriate. You did not lie... and she has the nerve to tell you how weird it is when she is doing the same thing. That is a slippery slope and once you let her do it to you once, she will do it again. At least now you set the boundary... She should dump all those exes on IG if you wants you to do.the same.

The sentiment of the statement was fine but the wording could be better.

Talking about other people having been inside of the person you currently are spending being inside with, is not overboard. That should be acceptable conversation for a couple.

I'd have to say both of you have to grow up. The past is the past. Neither of you were in each other's lives in those moments.

You didn’t fuck up. You deserve someone better who hasn’t been used up.

This isn’t too crazy man. It’s normal to be a bit jealous and hypocritical even and it’s normal to say things we wish we could take back. What matters is how you both handle the situation moving forward and grow from it. As long as you both understand what you did wrong here and it sounds like you do then don’t trip. Unless it becomes a common occurrence or gets worse this is not a major red flag especially if y’all are young.