You did not know how to say NO, and got f*cked! Its all I read!

I wish I could respond to everyone right now, I appreciate the comments. but I am currently at my parents house to tell them the truth. Family is very important to me and I want to try to make things better, but if it looks like it won't then I have accepted the fact I will have to cut ties (not just because of this but for 26 years worth of situations like this). I've also layed everything out for my boyfriend and while he has been understanding I can see why this would make him want to leave.

Also, this has all helped me realize I should probably go to therapy, so thanks for that too

Whatever happens, please close that first open parenthesis.

Your parents are cavernous assholes and who gives a single shit what their feelings or opinions are. You shouldn't. Gotta give respect to get respect, so no respect for disrespectful dickheads.

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I don’t know your background (religious or nationality), but it does appear that your mother uses shame to make you feel inferior. Brene Brown has podcasts,videos, and Ted talks about this subject that you may benefit from. I think you understanding what makes you happy will make your life so much more fulfilling. Express yourself in your appearance and surround yourself with people who bring you up. Just because someone birthed you does not mean they deserve the right to destroy you emotionally.

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What do you get out of the relationship with her at this point, other than stress and shame? Is she providing some kind of financial support?

Who else thinks the bf should just bail out

Fuck your mom. Bring your bf to your grandma and brother. Enjoy your time with them.

Just say no my guy.

The longer you drag this out the more likely you’ll really hurt him and lose any chance of a friendship. You need to be honest

Your mom sounds immature and childish. Fuck what she thinks, if she has an issue with him coming over or otherwise she can tell you instead of giving you a petty silent treatment.

Lol just communicate you ding dong. Just send them an email if you are afraid of confrontation, own up to it, and try to speak up for yourself more in the future

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If you're in a high paying field, can't you just rent a place close to your work so you can manage without a vehicle that way you can apply to other tech jobs that are too far for you currently.

This is not a you problem, it is your mom’s problem. Lay everything out for your boyfriend and let him decide if he wants to wade into the lion’s den. If he sees it firsthand, it may make him empathetic to your situation. I have 4 kids and, honestly, I haven’t liked all of their partners, but I don’t let them know it. Their partners never had a clue because I treated them as I would treat anyone else. I’m sorry you got a raw deal in the mom department. It looks like your dad learned how to handle her behavior. Just act indifferent to her opinions because she probably enjoys that she can get you so worked up. Good luck to you.

Your parents sound as if they are low-key abusive towards you. Giving someone the silent treatment is abusive and controlling. I think you need to move out, if you haven't already, and consider limiting your interactions with your mother especially.

Also maybe just set up a lunch where your brother and grandmother can meet your bf.

Grow some balls, or hang some to this piercing of yours

what race is your parents in this context?

Agreed fully. Tip toe-ing and dancing around the problem is only adding to the frustration. You can’t understand why mom doesn’t understand you, your mom can’t understand her daughters decision making and thinks the boyfriend is irresponsible due to the OP’s own irresponsibility.

Here’s something I learned (thankfully early on), sometimes it’s best to fess up and come clean. Worst that can happen is what, she gives you more silent treatment? Lol

I just don’t understand how people can actively dishonor themselves by shrinking their boundaries and needs. I have my own salad bar of mental health issues and crippling anxiety, but I be damned if I made it even worse on myself by pretending I didn’t have an opinion or the ability to express myself. Like OP is 26, has a relationship, but isn’t able to stand up for themselves? Kinda seems like some things are out of order here

Cant you file for imancepation?

Stunted social ability can often come from many things, she might be a fully functioning adult in other settings than with her parents.

For me, this seems like a socially abusive relationship, however it is impossible to draw such conclusions from just this short piece of text.

Honestly, your parents sounds like they are a negative in your life from this post. So if they treat you like this in other parts of your life, you might want to take some time to think through if you might need to create some distance between you, then reevaluate after some time.