Sounds like he didn’t make a judgement based on appearance, and neither of you knew each other as well as you should have.

That being said, it’s really nice to see an actual fuck up here, something that’s actually worth reading. Thanks for sharing and better luck with the next beau!

in my experience employers love employees that can lie

Just say someone stole your phone that morning.

For sure. Unfortunately with him I’m planning to end things. I found out today we’re very much on different sides of the political spectrum. I’d hope he could tell I’m much more leftist from my colored hair but 😅

She's not a virgin...

Huh, I could try that to be honest, gonna give it a spin

Sounds fairly typical for virgin sex actually lol. It gets better i promise

Everyone knows a fart noise dude

Gassy asshole presents their new album “thunderous bombardment”

Stay away from Mexican food

Did you say anything? If not, play dumb, say your friend called and told you they called, but you didn't get a call/have no idea what happened. I used to have a job on the phone all day. People call while on the toilet, and we'd hear their business, the flush, hand washing (if they weren't nasty), etc... hated it! Call them, give them an excuse, they'll tell themselves what they heard is not what they think they heard and everybody will be happy.

Just gas-hole for short

Two things you could do. As someone else mentioned above say it was some sort of issue with your phone because it has been acting very strange lately. Or, just tell them the truth lmao. Say you have been getting repeating spam calls and decided enough was enough and that you were sick of it so you started messing with them. Honesty, even in really awkward situations like that can go a surprisingly long way. You can laugh it off with them, show them that you can act professional and I’m sure they would appreciate that. Then it can be something you laugh over hopefully without getting some sort of nickname (I.e. thunderguts or something like that) but honestly if you want to keep pursuing a job there I think an honest explanation or if you want a good excuse about your phone acting could be a good way to keep moving forward. Never give up keep pursuing if that’s what you want to do. I think being honest would be the best course though because it’s honestly hilarious and if you can be serious at work and do funny shit like that out of work those are the best kinds of people.

She could've realized its a bad moment, try calling back and apologize, if they take the apology you'll have a little more intimate relationship with them:) Or get a new phone number, send it to your friend and act like they got the wrong number in the first place. Sounds like you need a new number, indeed.

I once used Ben-gay on a muscle cramp then touched my balls... never again.

I made sure that the caller only heard a loud ass fart as he made his intro.

Don't feel too bad, I was using tea tree oil shampoo after recommendation for itchy scalp and couldn't figure out what was eviscerating the skin above my eyes/eyelids. Went to a regular dermatologist who referred me to a fancy allergy dermatologist who took one look and knew exactly what the issue was. Stopped the shampoo. Never needed any fancy creams or allergy treatments after months of suffering. Felt like such an idiot. Lol

So, you said nothing and only had diarrhea during a phone call? Hmm, is that a crime now?! I don't get it... 🤷‍♀️

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Poor dude.

Just tell them your phone has been acting weird and making loud static noises ever since you got caught in the rain the other day

RH

“Pits n’ Bits” is a great name for a bordello

> gassy asshole

“Gassy Asshole” is a great name for a metal band

Next time you drive by you should play Deepthroat by cupcakKe 😅