Don't have to hide it, she's your wife. Just tell her you want her to wear a strap on dude. 👍

Yeah, exactly! That’s why it goes at the beginning, i.e. so you don’t have to read the entire long-ass wall of text to get the point. It’s a courtesy to give readers the main point up front, and then they decide if they want the rest of the details. Ergo, putting after the long-ass wall of text is pointless (and it negates the whole purpose of the construction).

You are allowed to stick the pad to the inside of the crotch of your pants. Now if she was in a dress, she'd have no options.

Exactly. There's no reason to feel ashamed about it, and honestly I'm sure their aunt is touched that they'd trust them enough to ask for them to help them :)

It is not possible to reschedule ice cream.

...you know "didn't" is past tense, right?

Oof. Yes, been in this exact position, minus the rib cracking. There but for the grace, etc…

Drink a lot of water. I did this a few days before my sisters wedding AND the peroxide seeped into my gums. It looked like necrosis! Oh god it was awful. Just be careful. Eat soft foods, and hopefully it will go away overnight! Mo mashed potatoes for you. I was good by the wedding!! Have hope!!

Hydrogen peroxide will remove the blood but also may bleach your pants. Start with with water and a brush to get get off as much as possible, then use the hydrogen peroxide.

The best thing to do is to laugh, too.

I know that’s easier said than done, but if you can learn to laugh at the accidental stuff (there will be more), you’ll become less inhibited and that’s when the fun really starts.

The stutter 100% but I'm not packing by any means

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Oh boy…. This seems like the right post to recount the time when I was 14 or 15 and didn’t really understand how tampons worked yet. I got my period at the start of a family beach house week. And I still wanted to be in the water, yknow? So no pads. So I went to put in a tampon. Except I didn’t realize you dispose of that plastic outer shell. So I left it in.

Later, I’m on the beach digging a large hole and making a castle with my cousins and little siblings. Something doesn’t feel right, so I look down and see that plastic plunger thing on the tampon sticking out in the crotch of my swimsuit. I make a run for it back to the house, baffling everyone. Still mortified 12 years later that someone might have seen that bizarre sight. Yeesh.

Feliz cake day!

Was she laughing and the joke of a big D or the stutter?

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One does not simply forget to wear underwear. That’s a decision

It could be worse, I once stumbled over my words and ended up telling my girlfriend (now wife) “I want you inside of me”.

Was a weird one to try to explain.

As you go back to the kitchen, maybe look for your sense humor.

I haven’t had my period in a decade TG! I still carry a tampon and pad for my tribe.

One thing to add to this comment though is that while it is nifty to know how to use tampons and using them more often tends to make getting them in next time easier, don’t feel bad (@OP) if you end up feeling emotionally unable to do tampons cuz that seems fairly normal. I only used them for several years myself and one of my closest and longtime friends used them almost always (swim team back in our school days) and we both never use them anymore cuz they’re just… they just take it out of you in a way other options don’t.

But the learning curve is very real and having a better grasp on how to put them in is a good skill to have if only to a minor degree.

You are made up of balls if you did that

i work with people (in a hospital that technically requires "natural" colors) that have purple, green, pink, blue, etc. colored hair. And any combination of them. Interesting dye colors are just the way these days.

Honestly strange color combinations seem to be a current fad. Just own it!! You can probably pull it off with a solid attitude. Heck you may start the next trend.