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I see you're getting married, but are you single?

You married Ross?

With that kinda talk you’re risking turning on ol PeePee the Clown.

The world does not need that.

I'd like an update on what your boss says when you call to apologize.

Bruh 99

Yayy!!

What a great update. Thanks for coming back to let us know y'all are taking another big step. Congrats on your wedding! May the both of you have many (milk free) years together.

i did this and he just called me bro

I wanna know what cold medicine this is for when I inevitably get this stupid flu that is going around my work, lol.

I always call in sick the night before because otherwise I might have to wake up early for no reason. Plus, that way my boss knows I'm not coming in as soon as she shows up to work at the ass-crack of dawn. I work at a daycare so knowing how many employees will be there is extremely important for legal reasons.

Congraaaaaaats! 🫠

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You should confess your love to her

Hahahahaha I'm sorry I can't stop laughing. With the headline, I thought you were peeing on her foot in the shower hahahahaha. This has got to be a joke? Right? My mind is boggling, did you have a towel and plastic down under her feet before you pee'd? Or did you just piss all over her feet and the sheets and blankets and the fucking mattress??? Fucked as it sounds, I need more info, did you slip a plastic bag under her feet, several towels? Did you lick her feet after you pee'd? Your pee would've been body temperature so she shouldn't have felt a difference in temperature on her foot. Did she hear the splash back??????

I recommend not drinking now that you know youll be choosing to become a shitty person if you do.

You didnt have more friends because you were an asshole as a kid. Your friends then were either fellow assholes or hadnt yet learned what kinds of treatment they deserve from their peers.

And, being nice doesnt obligate people to be your friend either.

Adults have limited time and energy. There isnt enough of the precious stuff to give to everyone. So they select some people who are the kind they want to be friends with, and gift them that rare stuff.

If you are shitty to your friends, you lose them. Be better next time.

This is absolutely adorable!! LOL. "Lactose intolerance"

Sometimes even though you feel completely embarrassed at the things you drunkenly text, it's your subconscious saying "HEY BRO.. JUST SAY IT"

Oh what a cute story! Love it! Best of luck and a happy life to the two of you! 😍

r/itactuallyworked

Better doesn’t mean it’s right. You have a right to human decencies such as water and peace

Ask your friend what the full story is explain what happened as much as you remember and try to piece it together also we all make stupid mistakes until we find our limits apologizing as profusely as possible and offer to take him and his gf out to dinner or something to apologize.

Holy fucking shit congratulations, this is the best set of posts I've seen in a long time! The Bojack reference was just th absolute perfect thing to crown this. Take care of each other! All we have in this terrifying world are the connections that we make :)

I've called in sick twice in my life and I would not have the second time if my wife hadn't forced my hand knowing I was sicker than I believed I was (I thought I could do it sick because I work from home and wouldnt get anyone else sick)

Next time, I mean, all toxic swamp ass aside, remember rubbing alcohol. In the olden days the nurses used to take alcohol prep pads and sniff them when they had morning sickness to relieve the nausea. You think it sounds insane...until you try it.

It might have saved a stretcher in your case!