Recent comments in /f/tifu

GirlsAndChemicals t1_iyb9ibr wrote

Reply to comment by AnnieThymeSugar in TIFU by shooting a potentially great relationship in the foot… by [deleted]

Well, take it as a lesson. If you want to give a relationship the best chance you can at succeeding, you have to be honest about how you're feeling and what your needs are even when it's hard and awkward and you're scared to rock the boat. I understand being worried that the relationship doesn't have a solid foundation yet and not wanting to scare him off, but a solid foundation is built on honesty and open communication. It doesn't just happen with time, you have to do some scary uncomfortable shit to make it happen. If you're looking around for someone better while he thinks you're exclusive, not only will that hurt him and his ability to feel secure with you, but it will also hurt your own sense of security and trust in him (or any partner, for that matter)--because if you're not really all the way in it, you're gonna be seeing his behavior through that lens too. You're gonna stay looking for signs from him that he isn't really in it either, because that's the mindset you know best. That can become a self-perpetuating cycle really quickly, with both of you sensing distance in the other and pulling away further out of fear.

You mentioned wanting a deeper connection with this person, and really as a general rule, deep connections come with deep honesty. They're a package deal. Sometimes the connection seems to come first and make the honesty easier, and I think that's sometimes what we subconsciously expect from the "right" partner, but I think most often the honesty has to come first. And that shit can be seriously scary--scarier for some folks than others, to be sure. But it can really be worth it, and frankly if you're not willing to be honest you're gonna shoot yourself in the foot every time.

Anyway, from one person who's deeply terrified of being vulnerable in relationships to a potential other, lol, I really wish you the best. Hope you learn a lot from this.

2

lionhearted_sparrow t1_iyb95ux wrote

Reply to comment by aussie_nub in TIFU by lying about my age by [deleted]

No. They have to draw a line somewhere to decide people are old enough to make the decision for themselves. That doesn't mean it isn't creepy for them to be with someone with a huge age difference. It just means that by that age, we hope that they will know that themselves and not need an adultier-adult to intervene. Sadly, that's still not always the case.

There's a huge distinction between "this is the age where you can sleep with any age and it isn't gross" and "this is the age where we think your brain is developed enough to start making this decision for yourself."

It's not "age for sex" it's "age of consent."

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ardentArcane t1_iyb8ofo wrote

Reply to TIFU by lying about my age by [deleted]

  1. tl;dr is usually used before a brief summary of the post

  2. tl;dr you ran into someone who gives MAJOR PEDOPHILE VIBES. even if he does actually think you're 17, it comes across very much as "oh but it was technically legal".

  3. if your mother is a decent parent, tell her. at a bare minimum cut all contact with this guy.

1

bubba7557 t1_iyb2b1h wrote

Reply to TIFU using my fiancés laptop by Accomplished-Duck138

He should dump you. Not only are you violating his privacy, deleting shit that isn't yours is destruction of property. I'd dump your ass in a second when I found out about these intrusions. He should too

14

AtomBubble t1_iyb1e8q wrote

Reply to TIFU by lying about my age by [deleted]

Telling a trusted adult may be difficult and might bring some discomfort but you are putting yourself in great danger by not doing so. Please get help this dude is fucked in the head.

5