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You were a child! You were groomed by a predator who abused you. You grew up and matured. You did the best that you could with the tools you had at the time. Please make sure that you are also getting therapy for your trauma. Break that cycle now!

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She is 8, ignore “ labels” and don’t give up on her. Concentrate on being the best Mum you can be going forward with looking after yourself. You cannot change the past but you can the future.

It’s not your fault. It’s highly likely that the mental health issues she’s dealing with are hereditary. You’ve done the best thing you could by getting out of the situation and getting her into therapy. You’re doing a good job momma.

I often think of a quote from one of my favorite medical professionals: 'We do the best we can with the information we have'

You got her in therapy and she got a diagnosis, so now they can start helping her properly. How were you supposed to know if her own therapist didn't catch it at first?

It's great that you left that abusive relationship.

It's important for your kids to know you love them and you are there for them. I wish you all the best.

Today, you didn’t fuck up. You did the best you can given the bad situation, and you pulled yourself and your kids out of an abusive situation.

You did the right thing in getting your young daughter mental health. Make sure you look after yourself too.

So… you left an abusive marriage to protect your kids, you coped with daughter’s behavior problems in a loving way, followed experts recommendation for therapy for her and helped her be consistent in going. Now you find out she might have a mental illness that is known to run in families. A disorder that does run in her family. And you have done all this while she is still a young child. And you’re a 25 year old, which is kind of still a kid to me. Where in the world can you possibly find a fuck up in this situation? You have not only NOT fucked up, but are in actuality doing a goddamn awesome job. The most important thing is that she knows you love her and are on her side. You’ve shown her this her whole life. They say having a child is like having your heart walk around outside your body. When they hurt, it’s agonizing for us too. Don’t let perfect get in the way of good. You’re doing an amazing job, mamma. Truly.

It's not your fault. Your struggles are real. Please try to be kind to yourself<3

For the record, symptoms of traumatic stress in young children are very often mistaken for both ADHD and ODD. It’s also very unusual for someone to receive an ODD diagnosis by itself—it’s almost always in conjunction with other diagnoses.

And the psychologist is right in that your daughter is still too young to receive these behavioral diagnoses with full confidence. Treat these test results as guidelines for care—they’re not set in stone, & they don’t dictate what your daughter’s future will look like.

You should definitely continue to have your daughter tested as she gets older & makes more progress in therapy.

I assume you have been as open as you’re being here, but just to make sure it’s said: Your daughter’s therapist & school psychologist need to know about the history of abuse she suffered as well as witnessed.

It’s really been a very short time (both empirically & relatively) that your daughter’s been in a wholly safe environment—it’s not surprising at all she doesn’t feel/hasn’t adapted to that safety & security yet.

Keep doing what you’re doing, Mama. You’ve made all the right moves by getting out & getting mental health care for your kiddos!

And the old you deserves sympathy too—she had it rough & her vulnerabilities were mercilessly preyed upon. You didn’t deserve that any more than your kids did. So make sure you get yourself the same level of care! 💜

It's not your fault. You're a victim too. At least you got her help and now she can get proper treatment. You might've made mistakes but it's not like you had a manual to this whole thing— you were just figuring stuff out at a very young age.

This isn’t a fuck up. You’re doing your best in a very difficult situation. You’re getting her the help she needs now. Hopefully she improves and you can forgive yourself. Hang in there!

Absolutely true. Also, OP, consider that with the right therapy and support, in the future she may stop meeting the criteria for the conditions. It's still early enough for her to learn how to explore her identity and accept her history. It is different for each person but I think was caught early enough. No person is trauma free but you're there for her, you did your best with your resources at the time and you're doing your best now.

Not a fuck up. It's admirable what you're doing.

Spanking is close enough to molestation. So close it’s like picking left from right.

You are here for her now that's what counts! You're a good momma and you're doing your best. Just keep advocating for her, be there for her, and don't forget to be there for yourself too. As a mom of an ADHD kiddo, it's demanding but worth it, so keep up the good fight, you have more knowledge now and more tools, put them to good use for you and your kiddo! Hugs!

Yeah. Came to leave a comment becuase "very good driver" and " five accidents in the last three years " do not go together, lol.

This!!!!!

A fuck up is my mother who stayed married to my abusive father for 30 years and never got me any medical treatment of any kind.

You’re not a fuck up. You’re barely an adult yourself, with five kids who were forced on you (not saying you don’t love them!), and you’re a victim of domestic violence. Be gentle with yourself and your daughter.

Sending love and healing vibes.

yup gotta get your children out of abusive situations or their mental health will be permanently scarred.

You did the best you could in the circumstances you were in with the knowledge you had. You can't be faulted for that.

> 10 months ago when your wife asked you if she could have sex with Criss Angel,

so random and hilarious

No reason she lost control? Just a regular clear day, huh?

I would like to give you some advice that I have from my own experiences. Please, please, please focus on yourself and your children. My biggest regret is getting into a relationship shortly after the divorce from their dad, while my kids were young and needed my focus on them. You will never get this time back. You’re a good parent for being strong enough to get away from your abuser. You’re doing great by doing therapy for her and being open minded about how to help her. You have got this. I wish you the very best.

perhaps a reflection of the amount of attention you pay to your daughter is posting a story to reddit about her mental health for karma.