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No it’s literally not, you dolt.

Spanking shouldn't be allowed - but it isn't in the "scarring for life" column

How does a 16 year old even meet a 22 year old to begin with?

Touching kids below the belt in any way besides changing the diaper as a baby is molestation, you dolt. 💵 here get yourself something nice from Mental Issues R us or sum’

Something that’s a PORN CATEGORY shouldn’t be the same thing that’s used to punish a child. We teach kids that the chest and anything below the belt is somewhere an adult shouldn’t touch under any circumstance whatsoever. So, us as adults need to follow that and not hit children to begin with nevertheless an intimate area. You just have mental issues and think like a boomer.

are you me? lol

Enough commenters here already gave you so much good advice, encouraging words and everything and really, you can be glad to have it potentially diagnosed at such a YOUNG age. Better now than way later because it gives you and your child a LOT more room to work everything out between you two and everyone else as well. It's not a TIFU, although I can see why you feel this way. But it really isn't.

I wish you best of luck for the future and for all of your kids, too. <3

@OP, Thank you for sharing, this is obviously a tough moment for you and your feelings of guilt are understandable but completely misplaced!!

As a caring parent we always want the best for our children and when things go sideways we always blame ourselves!! I'm the adult, I should know better is the same argument we throw at ourselves every time.

Well, the truth is that this situation came about because you tried to do the best for your children, you took the abuse so your children could have a home! Well that worked. Being a good parent isn't always about the success but trying! It's important that our children see us try even unsuccessfully and push through!!

I really believe that was a no win situation you were in! I firmly believe your daughter will ultimately understand that you tried, and I think she'll appreciate the sacrifices you made for her and her siblings.

Try not to beat yourself up, I wish you well, 🤗💜

This needs to be higher in the thread, you're very right. Experienced trauma and symptoms of PTSD at a young age are frequently misdiagnosed as behavioral disorders because it's more difficult to get the emotional symptoms from children. I assume it's because they don't have the language to talk about it. Based on this post alone, I would assume a trauma disorder is more likely than anything else.

And you did catch this very young, you've already made steps to get her - and the other children, and yourself - out of the situation, and steps to get treatment too. You're doing everything right. It's a rough patch, to be sure, but you're doing well. You're there, and you care, and that is going to be the best thing you do for her.

Yikes poor kid.

Idk lady, you seem like a pretty good mom to me who is making the right moves now. You’re doing the.m best you can with the incredibly difficult task of being a mom of five at 24 as well. Cut yourself some slack. You deserve it, and then some.

You’re doing the right thing. I really hope that you have some kind of support system to help you along. Best of luck, and keep that chin up.

I know this is so hard and you're struggling right now.. but you are doing such a good job protecting yourself and protecting your children. You're getting her the mental health support that she needs. You're a good mom. You're doing a good job. I'm very proud of you. When you get older and you look back you'll realize how much you had to overcome to ensure your children were protected and had their needs met and how much you had to sacrifice.

For right now, keep your head up. Get whatever help you can source to take care of your family. Take care of your own mental health... You were groomed and abused and that leaves mental scars. It's going to get better. It takes time and work, but these things can definitely get so much better than where you are now.

You sound like an amazing mum. You caught it when she was 8! That shows everyone how much you care about your daughter. You didn’t ‘fuck up’, you got your daughter the help she needs.

....what?

no, no it is not.

Spanking is bad, it is corporal punishment - but it isn't something where a single spank will scar someone for life. Being molested once would scar someone for life.

You didn't neglect you child for the sake of family, you neglected your child for a man and because of religion. Don't get it fucked up, these things are easy to fall into, I myself (m40) got wrapped up into a cult thanks to my cousin when I was 27. Stuff happens, just be aware and NEVER fall for those things again. Stay away from churches and Republican men. They are the worst.

Hey - You got out as soon as you could. You got her help as soon as you could. You listened to her therapist when she said there might be going something else going on.

You did what you could, when you could. There are so many kids who don't get the help they need because their parents can't or won't listen. Don't blame yourself, this is not your fault.

This isn’t as big of a fuck up as you may think Op. Some diagnosis’ aren’t given for years because of neglect, but in your case you already had a lot to be dealing with.

You had kids to care for, a husband to keep from blowing a tantrum, household chores and maybe more. It takes a lot to realize that a relationship isn’t healthy, and you did that before your daughter and other children ended up having to grow up with that.

What matters most is that you caught this when you did, and that you’re trying to help your kids now. I can assure you that you’re already doing better than many other parents out there. Thank you for that, Op.

Dude. Spanking is NOT the same as molestation. It’s not even the same category. Not even close. This is a disgusting statement only to cause drama.

My daughter sounds verrrrrry similar and it took until she was 8 to be diagnosed. First it was misdiagnosed as OCD and anxiety, then settled on autism, ADHD and anxiety. A lot of the ocd and anxiety behaviours fall under the autism umbrella. ODD is so common with ADHD and it's tough as hell to deal with, the kids are hardest on parents. Even with the diagnosis it took a long time to get to a manageable level with the right meds and behaviour management, it felt like nothing in our home was safe from her and every day we were walking on eggshells. We're at a great place now but it could be a changing situation as she gets older and hormones factor in.

The whole thing is a process that even the professionals screw up, so don't beat yourself up for missing things. My kids grew up in an "ideal family environment" and genetics are just a crapshoot. A lot of the typical symptoms for mental issues are based on the behaviours of boys, and since girls often present differently they get dismissed. It's hard, especially doing all this yourself with other small kids. If you have other family help, lean on them if you can. Give yourself what breaks you can, and know that you are doing your best. It feels so overwhelming now but you'll get to the other side of this eventually.

>I was 16 when I met her dad he was 22

>it was healthy to begin with

These two sentences don't mesh. You may not have seen it then, and even now, but a healthy 22 year old isn't prowling sophomore lunch hour

>She said given her age she doesn’t want to formally diagnose her just yet but given her dad who has BPD..she thinks something it could of been passed down to her or it’s trauma Induced behavior.

Quite likely, so don't blame yourself for it happening. All things considered, you caught it early and are doing well to provide support. Sometimes it is the case that we are predisposed to mental health problems, and more often than not we get hit hard in our teens or 20s and have a struggle recovering or just managing to survive. You're doing fine and I believe you'll make the right choices

Well...look at it this way. The doc doesnt want to put a label on it. YOU CAUGHT IT EARLY. ~ahem~ Maybe try some alone time with her. She was probably used to it till everyone else came along! Maybe enjoy a movie without the younger ones...or her favorite chinese, or noodle place. Without so much distraction. Figure 3 hours a week might really help her.

OPD exists with ADHD at a rate of greater than 50%. The chance of having both is quite highly.

Look into parenting children with OPD. OPD is something that needs to have a focus on the parents and teachers, not the child. Of course, there’s therapy for the child, but this is very much something you need to be highly involved in.

Not sure why they are throwing around BPD in an 8 year old. Not touching that.

✨✨✨ heavily religious situation ✨✨✨ I’m sorry for you and your kids. I hope everything will work from now on. You did your best.

It’s pretty safe to say the parents and religion are at fault here also.