It is only illegal if it's opened and addressed to someone else. It is immoral, because they were told op is expecting a package and opened it anyway.

maybe my landlord should have written this post instead lol

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Isn’t opening someone else’s mail a crime or something??

Opening another person’s mail is illegal fyi

Just have fun; life is too short to worry about something like this.

Everybody masturbates, only religious nutjobs will give you shit about it. The average person literally doesn't care. Getting real tired of these "TIFU because someone discovered I'm a sexual being" posts.

Think of it this way:

• There are a number of factories that only make vibrators.

• Vibrators are available on thousands of websites, including Amazon.

• There are probably millions of them on shelves of stores right now.

An industry of that size does not exist for a small audience of users.

Yes, it’s embarrassing that they know what vibrator you have, but having a vibrator is not embarrassing.

Now go rev that puppy up and knock one out!

Yup

I’m not particularly familiar with the law but isn’t opening mail that’s not yours a federal offense? Like I’m not saying you should report your landlord but at the very least I think it’s their fuckup and not yours. You had a right to expect privacy for your mail.

And yeah as others have said already they definitely didn’t buy your story lol

Illegal, really

Why the heck would they open a package not addressed to them??? So rude! I think you did a good job with your cover story. The important part is to totally believe they believed and act like they believe. If they mention it again, that’s really inappropriate and just ignore them.

Rock on!

You didn't FU. It was inappropriate of them to open the package and to comment.

Sorry for the embarrassing moment, but I guess keep in mind that... like all the other bodily functions, everyone does it. I'd be looking for ways to laugh this one off.

Yikes. With my lactose intolerance, I'm glad I haven't gotten covid.

I bet they totally 100% completely absolutely believed your story about your "Friend" sending it. Yup, no way they couldn't have believed that.

That's was great and a good laugh. Good quick thinking. And seriously, have fun. It sounds like you deserve it.

Water has taste. Drinking water, anyway. Get yourself some distilled water and then tell me water meant to be drunk doesn't have taste.

When i had covid everything tasted nauseately sweet. Water? Sweet. Steak? Sweet. Hotsauce? Sweet. Grilled cheese? Sweet. Desert or usually sweet treat? Hell no, would gag and physically could not eat it it was so sweet (same for most foods, was just 4x worse with actually sweet stuff)

Really the only thing i could eat or drink was milk, somehow that didn’t change much taste wise. I drank soooo much milk

I can still taste but it's altered. It's heartbreaking.

This is all water

Thank you, I do love my cats, glad to hear it shows! And thank you for the well-wishes, much appreciated!

Yikes! That sounds wretched

Doesn't need to be an essay, but if the casual reader (read: redditor) can't tell whether you're talking about red flags for a 'cash-in-hand' job or accepting cash in hand for a hand job, you're not communicating well.

It's not an assumption, it's just a hole left behind due to your communication "style".

Seriously why do people assume the wrong thing? It's a story. Not an essay

Due to your poor punctuation, it reads like it's supposed to be one.