Why didn’t I cash out the $34k?

I am having a hard time coming to terms with the fact I didn’t cash out my $34k when I only started out with $2k. Especially now since I was in a major head on accident and now I am out of work with no money coming in. I have suffered from a broken C7, broken left collarbone, broken sternum, multiple broken ribs, both hips jacked up, femur was broken so bad they had to put a rod in it and the left leg also jacked up. How do I come to terms with not cashing the $34k out?