Try to make it up to him and explain that you mentioned the priest was hot because you want to get him in the threesome that your boyfriend had always asked about

Hahahaha, unintended consequences, certainly

> I don’t want to stink up any school bathrooms

Why? When I was in college, living off campus, I purposely held it until I got on campus to get the school’s toilet dirty, use their water to flush, and use their toilet paper. That saved me so much money. Also, I would go in a bathroom in a building where I didn’t have class, so I wouldn’t be embarrassed encountering a classmate

Poor petite woman :(

How old is your kid? Can you calm their nerves with a white lie, like saying you were playing hide and seek? I normally don’t advocate lying or kids, but it might make them feel better and not feel abandoned

The hero is the one that stays

How old are you? Does your father live with you? Are you close to moving out for college? Can you stay with your older siblings?

Let me go on like I blister in the sun

Let me go on. Big hands, I know OP’s the one

This reminds me of a very unfortunate situation one Halloween night when a friend’s kid was yelled at for wearing blackface. The white parents were taking their kid out dressed as George Washington Carver (go figure). But the family was new to the area so the lady who answered the door only saw the parents at the curb and glanced at the child, but didn’t know that this boy was adopted and assumed it was a white boy wearing blackface

Fitting in is overrated. You do you, friend

You got her, just wait until she turns 18 (an adult) and record her waving a knife at you, then she’s going to prison for threatening and endangering the life of a child. That bitch will be toast

It’s okay as long as you are part of a regulated militia

> they say we rushed into it quick

Wise men say only fools rush in

Mutually Assured Destruction, motherfucker! The next time you lie, or even if someone thinks you do, you have justified them hacking into your shit

You should also know that there’s money in the banana stand!!!

“What are you doing, stepdaughter? No, seriously, what are you doing?”

> I work as a carpentry apprentice

If you can make some vibrating anal beads in the shop, you will get a promotion!

> space to sort out womanly shit

She was showering, not doing high level math equations, yeah you FU

I don’t think she’ll get to read those pages because you, being a high schooler, already read those pages and as a result they are stuck together

Sexually experiences and high credit scores? THAT’S THE COMPLETE PACKAGE

Did you post this to r/confessions? Or did you paste this from r/confessions?

> he said to me and my friend “are you groot men?”

The only proper response: “I AM GROOT!!!”

That’s Mr. Ass to you

> he kept slipping out every time I put it back in

Was that due to small penis? Too much lube? Inserted the wrong way? There could be many reasons for this, and each one has a different solution

10/10 would visit