Man, that conversation is gonna be rough...or maybe it won’t, maybe is just “time for you to go” (I assume she is still living with you?)

Did she ever try using it? She has had 47 years of opportunities...for easy math, let’s very conservatively say that a person pees 1,000 times a year (that’s less than 3 times a day), she’s had 47,000 opportunities

It’s also hilarious that the brother-in-law didn’t say anything...like he just accepted it and liked it!

I hope he gathers the family around the fireplace and reads from this book

Is candidacy like the dissertation defense, except earlier in the process, before you’re done?

And which one is Will Ferrell and which one is John Reilly

What sexy thing could you do with the popcorn bag? I want to know!

The only way to play porn is at max volume

Today he tells you how to eat pasta. Tomorrow he tells you what friends you can have and when you can talk on the phone. Get away from this controlling asshole

> My boss made a joke about running me over and I said I wish you did.

Don’t worry, maybe your boss didn’t interpret it was you wanting to die. Maybe he interpreted it as you wanting to have some sort of rough sex with him

What type of “small items” did you steal that had such value online?

Now ask them who’s on first.

Wait, is this ramen in a packet? Don’t you put the packet into boiling water, and not vice verse? Or is it in a cup, like cup o noodles?

Wow, I misread the title as “TIFU bu not wanking at graduation”

Oh I thought this was going to be about a prostitute giving someone up thumbs up the ass when the client didn’t want it

Just ask them to reschedule the ceremony until you can get back

And you, u/AVG_MN_Man speak like a true capitalist who doesn’t mind shitting on workers as long as you get yours

Why can’t you study on the toilet instead of posting it Reddit?

You shouldn’t be embarrass, but if you are, then just say you have no relationship and are so lonely that you send sexy gifts to yourself

Your partner is gonna look at bank D, and be so mad that you’re never gonna get his D again

You were a playboy at 13, dang you couldn’t even buy a Playboy at 13

> They won’t kill me (though they should tif)

Hey, calm down. Not the end of the world, and things will get better, I promise. This looks terrible now, but if you can get through this moment, then you’ll know that you have the strength and resourcefulness to overcome any obstacle. I’m rooting for you. So take a breath, clear your head, and then get back out there and try again. By then the actors will have been past their refractory period and you can try to shoot your porno again

> these people always stick together in defending each other when one of them fucks up

Totally not trying to create a religion war, but that this the case with a lot of religions. I see it with Hasidic Jews all the time. I think that something about religion in general tries to make its members as underdogs, persecuted victims that need to band together to protect their very core of their identity. Not saying persecution doesn’t exist, because Muslims and Jews and all religions have been persecuted throughout history. But this doesn’t mean that they are always persecuted and any act against an individual is an act against them all, and some people fail to understand that

That’s too bad, but I appreciate the update. Take care and good luck

Wanting to clean your dick while masturbating is very efficient, two birds with one stone. You’ll go far in life