Sometimes the lessons you learn in school aren’t in the text books, sometimes they are about work ethic and planning

He probably doesn’t even really live far from you, he’s just hustlin

> not everyone used MSN messenger

This is your FU. No one used MSN messenger, even when people used MSN messenger!

Your FU was waiting to see a doctor, but you’re taking care of that now. Describe your stool besides the blood, is it liquid or hard solid? You might have cancer, but even if you do that doesn’t mean it’s fatal. You also might have Chrons disease, ulcerative colitis, or any other IBS. You also might have a parasite or ringworm. It could be lots of things, so don’t freak out right now.

Hey OP, you need to slow down and calm down. Last month you were contemplating suicide. Last week you were self harming. Now you are posting about getting drunk and doing drugs and trying to hook up. Either you are researching for a role on the “Kids” movie remake or you are going down a very dangerous path very early in your life. Take a step back and focus on school, only on school for awhile. Find someone to talk to if you need, your school should have a counselor

> The cashier pulls me aside and quiet says “Your fly is down”

If you donated the 4 cents, she also would have told you that your dick is big

> her saying “I wouldn’t believe it even if you had seriously sent it to me”

“I’m sorry for accidentally insulting you. I promise to make it up to you once I buy some more Kleenex.”

You had your girlfriend AND her mom in the house and you decided to masturbate instead?

You said “tonight we’re just two friends hanging out” you didn’t say “we only will be two friends hanging out forever” so take it easy, muffin

How much did this knowledge cost you?

OP, you fucked, but you didn’t fuck up

I hope you enjoy your last few days as a free man

As long as the movies are for kinda and not about kids, you ok

It’s not like you watched porn together. Or did you?

Anyways, let me say that L is a controlling asshole because he “decided” who P can talk with, like she is his property. Also, how does D feel about this?

We always think we have more time and that things will change until we run out of time and realize things won’t change

> there isnt this person’s face of part of body inside this picture

So...what’s in the picture if not a face or body part? Their essence?

In your defense, most things shrink when it is cold...

I was concerned that this was going to be a story about glass shattering sex in grandma’s shower, but instead I am relieved that it wasn’t, and that everyone is okay

Which minor celebrity did you throw out of the car, and how do you feel about them IRL?

In your defense, KFC is so fucking tasty

Oh the bright side, you have an awesome story for the rest of your life

> She had at least 700 past clients

How do you know? Did they leave reviews? Is there a prostitution Yelp that I don’t know about?

> Judging from my outward appearance, you’d never expect me to have engaged in this type of activity, or to have a chronic infection

Oh so only ugly gross dudes are diseased with STI from prostitutes? Got it

Younger siblings are terrible

First time I read the titles, I thought your uncle’s name was Anal. Like you gave your Uncle Anal some lube, and I thought, “Hey that is very appropriate!”

Hulk would’ve smashed