Genuine question: is a hostess bar kind of like a strip club without the stripping? That’s how it sounds like. No judgement, just trying to understand because that’s what I get from the description

If I ever want to force a poop, no lie, I go to a fast food restaurant. Taco Bell is mentioned a lot here’s, but McDonalds Big Mac would do just fine. Point is, eating shitty greasy food makes your body want to get rid of it ASAP, so it evacuates everything else in the way in your tummy

He kneed your vulva and you need your vulva

Coincidentally, the kids were learning about the reproductive system today, so you helped supplement their lesson

At least you didn’t scream “I see Uranus!”

You sound too young to be looking at porn with friends.

Once I was so angry at my parents that I chugged a whole carton of milk on purpose so that I would have the worst smelling farts. Little did I know that the plan would backfire as I also had the worst smelling diarrhea

> this didn’t fill any void

No worries, I think you filled her void

And from that day forward, they referred to you as the Dick Douser

What type of convention was it?

> TIFU by keeping my mouth shut

No, that was a good move. She was so sleep deprived that if you opened your mouth, she might try to breastfeed you also

> I have the habit of retorting by farting from a distance

Please teach me your skills, sensei

> EVERYONE working their was probably watching the entire thing start to finish

I don’t mean this in a mean way, but your situation was just not that interesting or uncommon, and they had their own work to do. So you can relax, They barely even remember you at this point. Good luck on the job!

Piece of advice: do not Google winning combinations for tic-tac-toe

I’m willing to bet 8

> a pack of dogs barking and biting each other

You could’ve gotten bitten...sounds like these undomesticated dogs might have had rabies

So never swap seats with Ali Larter

In your defense, beets taste great

> it was awful

Well, wouldn’t that make it the perfectly apropos seat of the national government?

There even might be tracking in the computer. This is why companies have protocols, to make sure things are as they should be. You are probably gonna get caught, so the best thing to do is get ahead of it and come clean, don’t wait for them to catch you, you’ll look more like a crook that way

What if they count their bath towels every night to help them fall asleep?

In your defense, RATM is awesome

This was not self defense

This post is very descriptive