I think you should book some time with a therapist and get out of this crazy cycle and into a healthier space for yourself and for your child.

Therapy?

Why are you saying negative things about yourself ? Are you fishing for compliments and reassurance or…?

Stop talking negatively about yourself.

That’s a tough spot. He’s probably having some feelings too since you two haven’t talked.

If you are certain that you want to pursue this pregnancy, you need to just tell him. But that doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy or that he’s going to stick around necessarily.

Way too soon. Way. Too. Soon.

Don’t give up your place just yet.

Don’t have sex you don’t want to have. And it’s not healthy to spend all of your free time with a partner.

It seems to me that you should forget dialing it back and just end it.

Your post is so vague that it’s hard to give good advice.

I don’t know what you mean by “girlfriend duties” or what it is that you want to dial back.

Obviously you need to speak with him but you need to be far more specific than you are here or he isn’t going to have a clue what you’re asking for.

If you’re in the US, you could try United Way 211 and they can refer you to resources local to you. You’ll need an attorney and employment help. Most women’s shelters have resources for that.

I fail to see how you can consider someone you’ve met 3 times in 5 years a boyfriend.

Maybe if you guys actually did things together, there’d be something to post about. But you literally do nothing together.

And even if you did, being upset because someone isn’t putting you all over their social media is a pretty immature thing.

Use a headset/earbuds then you won’t have any trouble hearing. Test your setup a few minutes prior to the session. Then no one can hear what the therapist says.

A white noise machine would go just outside your door to muffle anything you say to therapist.

Can you get a white noise machine to set by your door? Take the call in your car?

She’s being pretty rude to not give you some space and privacy for this. Seems nosy or she’s worried you’re going to say something about her.

You need to actually talk to him. Not hint around, not ask what he wants, tell him what you want and what you’re thinking. You’re not a passenger in the relationship.

And if you don’t want to be pregnant, get back on BC or use condoms.

What does he say when you tell him what you said here? That you’re frustrated that he says he wants to try but when the time comes, he’s doesn’t want to?

Tell her what you said here. Ultimately, it’s her life and career to blow up and her friendships to lose. But you can certainly tell her how you feel and that if this continues, you’re going to have to reevaluate the relationship. You can also tell her you don’t want to hear about him anymore.

Yep, that’s the gold standard test. Takes a day or two to get the results. Hopefully they gave you some lidocaine gel? If not? You can get it at the pharmacy. And they hopefully started you on an antiviral?

Your life isn’t over. There are meds available to take as needed if you feel an episode come on or that you can take all the time if you have frequent flares.

When you don’t have a lesion, you’re very unlikely to transmit to someone else. Some people have one flare and never again or very rarely.

Many people are carriers by middle adulthood.

It’s just real important to know that a condom won’t necessarily cover affected areas so that’s no guarantee.

Keep in mind that most standard STI tests do not screen for HSV2 (genital herpes) or HPV (genital warts). And you can get both even if you use a condom. And you can be infected and asymptomatic for years or forever.

What you’re describing sounds like HSV2. It’s possible that he gave it to you but it’s also possible that you’ve had it for some time.

I (44F) had a flare up last summer and it scared the crap out of me. Been with same partner for years, can assure you he hasn’t cheated, he hadn’t ever had a flare. I probably had it for years and just didn’t have an episode til my immune system was low.

Wait for the test results and then have a calm discussion.

Wow, it’s almost like she’s most men. 🙄

She’s not required to have sex she doesn’t want to have. If it was a one off , move on. If this is a regular issue then time for a sit down.

Usually you just meet up as a group at a coffee shop or something and write together. Maybe bounce ideas off of each other. Generally just hang out.

Join writing groups?

I am in one—we started for NaNoWriMo about a decade ago and kept it going. You might meet some likeminded people that way.

Totally. It really doesn’t have to be good sex OR good relationship. Frankly, the way I grew up, I thought sex was just for the guys and we women were basically here to make sure they had a good time. I’ve had a lot of sex I didn’t really want to have and a lot of just plain bad sex too. Once I got older and realized that hey, this party is for me too? Then I was done just putting up with it.

I really wish that we taught sex Ed in the US more like some of the Scandinavian countries where pleasure is discussed. It’s not just “don’t get pregnant or get a disease” but also….this should be enjoyable.

Wish I could go back in time and tell my late teen self that message! But I’m not wasting anymore time. Happy to have a lovely partner who cares about my enjoyment too.

No one can answer that for you.

For me (44F), I left a man I loved very much because in spite of trying for several years, we just weren’t sexually compatible. At all.

Sex is important to me. I don’t want to have mediocre to bad sex. Life is too short.

Your boyfriend is in a tough position. He also needs to do some therapy so he can create and maintain better boundaries. He sounds pretty codependent.

I would sit him down and tell him how concerning this is.

You didn’t realize Covid was “still a thing”? That’s when I decided this is a troll post. For good measure you threw in fitness.

If this is real, she sounds depressed and you sound ridiculous.

But I doubt it’s real so….

Real estate can be an investment….not sure he lied. 🤷‍♀️

And maybe he didn’t want to have to explain the whole thing. I usually try to be pretty general about my position because it’s pretty niche, most people don’t understand, and then it puts all the attention on me while I explain.

His reaction is abusive behavior and he did it in front of your kids. Is this typical? He just dumps you on the side of the road and kicks you out of the house whenever he’s challenged?

I think it’s absolute bullshit to share PW/access to phones. It’s a security issue (id literally be fired if I gave someone access to my phone and thus my work email). It’s also a breach of privacy for anyone else you talk to who thinks the messages are between themselves and one other person.

To me, people who insist on having access to their partner’s phones are insecure and controlling.

But kick someone out of a vehicle for asking? That’s crazy town.

Based on your post history, not so long ago you left the guy and he denies the child is his. Then just 2 mos ago, you were asking how to leave. So for at least the last 6 mos, you’ve known you need to get out of this relationship. So get out.