Wow. Just wow! It's amazing that none of the people in your family stepped up and took responsibility for what they did. And worst of all was your mother. It was her job to protect you. She should accept responsibility for having failed that task. Instead, she blows you off and laughs at you?

I know you would love to have some justice, OP. I know you would love to have some of these people say -- on the record -- "You're right, OP. And I was complicit in the shitty things that happened to you." But that's never going to happen.Even if they did, all you'd get out of it would be one moment in which you could shout out loud, "YES! I was RIGHT!!!" ...and then what?

None of these people are worthy of you. The sanest, most empowering thing you can do would be to let these people go. Let the past go. Stop replaying old scenarios over and over again in your head. Stop creating dialogues in your mind where one or more of them confess to their sins against you and apologize, or where you accuse them and they accept their blame. None of these thoughts does you any good! Yes, it was valuable to have dredged them all up so you could look at and accept your horrible childhood reality-- but they've served that function already. It is time to move on into a life unencumbered by the horrors of the past, and unencumbered by any of these awful people.

Never give them another thought! Let them go! Find new people!

I can't tell you how liberating it was for me to finally let go of my father. Ever time I saw him after, I didn't even have any anger left. Just ...nothing. So, I'd be polite. Why stir up any drama? I no longer needed anything from him! He died without ever knowing that he had ceased to exist for me years before. I was free of the guy. Free!!!

And that's what I wish for you, OP. That you be free!

>give it some time before going back.

Absolutely not! Don't let someone else's interpretation of your remarks dictate your reality. Just keep going back as often as you normally would. Let them adapt to you, rather than you adapting to them. If you'd been an asshole, that would be different, But you were not being an asshole. You avoiding visits there makes it appear that you are remorseful about something. Please don't support that mistaken perception.

>Now that I think of it, this probably didn’t even happen.

[spits out beverage] Pffft!! What, now?

You don't love her, OP. You love yourself. You don't listen to what she says. You don't respect what she says. When she says she doesn't want to be with you right now, you're like a relentless bulldozer that bashes right over anything she says-- to push what you want. Why is she the perfect wifey material? Because how she makes =you= feel. It's always about YOU, OP.

She says she doesn't want to be friends. You say, "But I need you to be friends with me, because of what you do for me. So we will stay friends, regardless of what you say and how you feel."

​

That's not love.

I'm so sorry this happened to you and your sister, OP. It's awful when you are betrayed by the one person in this world you should be able to trust-- your mother. Every interaction you have with her, she will win, because she has the power. You are wise not to do anything too aggressive, so you won't have big problems while you wait out the two years until you are old enough to move out on your own.

But there is something you can do, and it has devastating power. Ignore your mother, stepfather and brother. Never speak to them (unless it is absolutely necessary.) And... don't look at them. Do this especially with your mother, and teach your sister to do it, too. When you come into a room, only look at your sister. Only talk to her-- and talk normally and act naturally with her. But don't give any attention to your mother.

She will soon feel your power. Only speak to her when it is necessary, like, "You need to sign this paper for school." But when you speak to her, look a little off to the side. Do not make eye contact. If she starts talking to you, just sit there. Don't respond. She may start yelling (out of her increasing frustration.) Don't react. As much as humanly possible, act like she doesn't exist.

Wait til you see the absolute power of this tactic. It's devastating.

>a platform to voice their hatred and racism.

You don't get it. When some group has that platform and spews some hateful racist rhetoric, most people will look at it and conclude that those people are horrible. A tiny fraction will be in agreement with their awful ideas. That's how freedom works.

>it is not your fault

Part of it IS his fault! He did not stand up for himself. He did not demand that his girlfriend behave honorably to him. He acquiesced in taking the friend along to J's home, even though the friend had already betrayed his trust.

Hopefully, he will learn the lesson from this experience, that a man must be strong and must protect his feelings against toxic friends and lovers. When he realized his girlfriend was unworthy, painful as it would have been, he should have rid himself from her forever! Same with his so-called friend. None of us should allow ourselves to be so weak that we would tolerate such disrespect.

The real real fuck up are the friends you make along the way.

I hope the "anxiety meds" you take aren't from the benzodiazepine family (Xanax, Klonopin, Ativan, Valium, etc.) If they are, they are only intended for short-term usage, i.e., two weeks or less. If taken consistently, day in day out, for longer than that, even if you're taking a small amount and it's prescribed by a doctor, you can develop a dangerous dependency.

If that is the type of medication you're taking, I'm the author of The Benzo Book, and in it there's information that can help you sort this out. It's available online, but if yo can't afford to buy a hard copy, you can download a free copy at thebenzobook dot com.